Desperately Seeking Peace and Quiet

March 18, 2005 — -- From the "Desperate Housewives" on the infamous Wisteria Lane to Main Street, U.S.A., virtually every family has to deal with kids driving their parents crazy.

For many families, that means yelling at their kids when they get out of hand.

That's what Steve and Patti Simme of Buffalo, N.Y., find themselves doing. They say they're desperate because they're constantly yelling at their four kids, Spencer, Rachel, Lexie and Gary. Patti and Steve say they hate yelling, but can't stop.

"Yelling is pretty much the normal tone, when you're talking to them," Patti says. "What else can I do to make them listen to me?"

"We fight to eat breakfast, we fight to brush our teeth, we fight to comb our hair," Patti says.

"You go to bed at night, and you think, 'so what did we accomplish with the kids today?' Absolutely nothing, because I got home and I started yelling the minute I walked in the door," she says.

And since the kids still don't obey, she says yelling becomes screaming.

This is bad news, say experts. Yelling at kids teaches them that yelling is a good way to communicate and that can contribute to a lifetime of troubled relationships.

The Simmes let "20/20" put tiny cameras in their home so parenting educator Barbara Coloroso could watch the yelling and offer advice.

Until she watched herself on tape, Patti says she didn't realize how much she was yelling.

"I look psychotic. You know, I wouldn't want to live there," she says. Patti says she'd love to get her kids to behave without having to yell at them.

Hal Abrahm and Jenny Lowry say they yell at their kids too, though they're less worried about it.

"Would I prefer that I didn't yell as much? Yes. Do I think they're being traumatized and they're going to be in therapy the rest of their lives? No," she says.

Jenny says when she was younger, her parents yelled at her. Now, she's the one yelling at her own three children, Ike, Lilah and Cindy.