But, the more times I go through this feeling and come out the other side, the more confidence I have that this thing can be done. If I can be on a deadline, have three kids, two of whom are usually crying and manage to not give in to a craving, anyone can do it.
I do this not drinking thing one day at a time and with a lot of help. But I don't have any fancy slogans to make it all better for anyone else who's doing it too. All I have is the truth. And the truth is that I am an alcoholic and I need to keep reminding myself of that.
When I posted on my blog last May that I had to stop drinking, I described a pattern in my drinking that had emerged in the last couple of years since my twins were born. My drinking did step up with the stress of having preemies. It had crossed a line into daily drinking and a feeling that after a glass or three I really didn't want to stop until I was completely out of it.
But as the months have passed without mama's feel-better juice, I've come to realize that that line had been moved back inch by inch long before I ever even crossed it. I've gotten a prescription for pain killers and plowed through them like a bag of chips on more than one occasion. I've driven drunk. I've gotten so drunk I puked repeatedly -- on a first date. I've done things I don't remember and don't care to remember. I've embarrassed myself and other people. I fell down the stairs at my in-laws house after coming home literally stumbling drunk. So don't let me paint a prettier picture of myself for you. Don't let me make you think that I just quit drinking because I had "a couple of glasses" of wine at night. Because that may be true, but it's not the whole story.
My name is Stefanie and I'm an alcoholic.