The 10 Commandments, Based on Tweets From God

Aug. 01, 2013— -- As you might have heard, Fusion (that's us, but shhh) has hired former "Daily Show" executive producer and head writer David Javerbaum to head up development of funny, satirical primetime TV stuff we'll be rolling out for you WHEN AND IF WE FEEL LIKE IT (soon). But perhaps you know him best as @TheTweetOfGod, the popular Twitter account celebrating all the wit and wisdom of the universe's very first #ContentCreator.

To celebrate David's descent into our fold (it's all hot and smoky in here, but we have bean bag chairs and Capri Suns, so), we decided to compile our favorite of his Tweets and chisel the following important listicle of ten commandments. Amen:

1. Thou shalt be self-aware in all instances, especially concerning one's relative suckitude.

2. Thou shalt be honest about how totally and utterly racist you are, especially on the Devil's social media platform of choice, YouTube comment threads.

3. Thou would do well to check thyself before thou wrecks thyself.

4. Thou needs to recognize that the truth hurts.

5. ...Like, for real though.

6. ...Even Ass Pamphlet™® agrees.

7. Thou need not talk to people IRL ever.

8. To thine own self be true. Also, this was never going to happen 4u.

9. Thou shalt not doubt the Lord, for he has an iPhone 8.

10. OMG.