You're sitting at your computer, most likely in your cubicle or in a classroom somewhere, trying to slowly kill time until you're free to run home and eat your own weight in pizza. (Or, I don't know, help old ladies across the street. Whatever floats your boat, Boy Scout.) You've already exhausted your usual go-to sites. What's left? Luckily, there are lots of little gems tucked away within Reddit that can waste even more of your time. Here are some of our personal favorites.
This subreddit notes that we have "all spent our lives being ordered around by ketchup packets and standardized testing forms, and it is here that we make our stand." Hey, condiment industrial complex, you expect me to put ketchup on my hot dogs? THINK AGAIN. Oh, you want me to separate foodstuffs by color? I DON'T EVEN SEE COLOR. You think saying "please" is going to keep me from abusing your precious ball return system? HA! I LAUGH IN (OR IN THE GENERAL VICINITY OF) YOUR FACE!
This particular subreddit kicked off with this classic infomercial moment, featuring a family freaking out because their DUMB MOM was able to POUR SODA INTO A GLASS like some kind of DILLWEED. Thanks for nothing and/or everything, MOM. Other moments include the infomercial with this woman, who cannot find the perfect tool for maiming her small dog (We assume), and the ad with this man, whose interests include ignoring gravity and drinking formaldehyde (Allegedly).
This challenge stems from the work author Ernest Hemingway considered his best: "For sale: baby shoes, never worn." Can a compelling story be told in six words? The answer is "sometimes." There are emotionally dense stories like "two best friends, two kidneys total," and succinctly funny ones like "Captive skunk dropped into open sunroof." And then there are the stories that make you laugh and cry and gasp and sing, all at once: "'Schnitzel.' He whispered. Like a prayer."
Here in New York City, going out to a movie can leave your wallet, like, $13 bucks lighter, and that's not including the roughly $4,834.63 you'd spend on popcorn, soda, and Junior Mints at a movie theater concession stand. Thankfully, the good people of Reddit were kind enough to distill several popular (and/or terrible) movies down to three frames. For example, here's Poltergeist in three little frames. Also, Waiting for Godot. And, look, here's all of Dude, Where's My Car?.