New York Times Explains Hookups, Salad

PHOTO: Typical millennial salad eaters
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Young people, some of whom are in possession of fallopian tubes, are having sex while in college. Sometimes, this sex is with people they wouldn't necessarily want to have a long conversation with. Or a short one. And The New York Times is all over it, naturally, like that creepy, humping typewriter-beetle from Naked Lunch, pounding away where it doesn't belong, square peg in a round hole and all that. Thoraxes. Grunting. Ick.

In Kate Taylor's "Sex on Campus: She Can Play That Game, Too," we learn, mouths agape and eyes glazed, that some female U Penn students use their college years as a time to focus on building a resume and a career, leaving them with little time or energy for a committed, monogamous relationship. Such is life! All briefcases and term papers and Model U.N. meetings and zipless fucks and anonymous interviews with newspapers. Enter: Hookups. Or, rather, "hookup culture" -- a move towards sexual relationships with "little emotional attachment."

"Until recently," writes the Times, "those who studied the rise of hookup culture had generally assumed that it was driven by men, and that women were reluctant participants, more interested in romance than in casual sexual encounters. But there is an increasing realization that young women are propelling it, too." And, for The New York Times, this means focusing entirely on one half of the people involved in heterosexual couplings, ignoring that different young people have different goals and desires when it comes to relationships, and that hookup culture, which is not a thing, does not lead to rape, which is a separate thing entirely. The Daily Pennsylvanian pointed this out in a piece reacting to the Times article. Penn students and grads also took to Cosmopolitan (which, to be sure, has had its own issues when it comes to discussing female sexual desire and also how not to maim and mangle penises), Philadelphia Magazine, and The Huffington Post to correct misconceptions, misunderstanding, or misinformation in Taylor's piece.

But who cares, because nuanced, complicated ideas about why and how and with whom we have sex don't make for good trend pieces we can tweet about. #Sup

So. Millennials love casual sex.

And millennials love salad.

But what else do millennials love? According to Google...

Here's a list:

- Stuff on the internet, like porn and comedy and lists about things millennials like.

- More stuff on the internet, including ladies and gifs of ladies drinking and lists about things millennials like.

- Lists.

- Lists of lists.

- Lusty lists about lust lists.

- Advertising, and also selling out.

- Writing blog posts that result in page views and #unique #hits for online publishers so that they can sell ads to would-be bloggers who love ads, maybe.

- More salad.

- Rabbits looking at computers.

- Socialism.

- Retail spending.

- Multifamily.

- Money.

- More casual sex.

- Pizza, for five reasons.

- Shopping some more.

- Not Oprah.

- More shopping, even.

- A salad (chopped), and then some sex (casual).

- More pizza.

It's almost as if millennials love whatever it is you are trying to sell them (unless it is cars). (Or Oprah). (Or not salad.)

Hope that helps.

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