Dear WOUNDED: I've always had problems keeping my temper. Last week I blew up at something a co-worker said and pushed him. I was suspended for a week without pay. My boss tells me I have a problem, but I don't know what to do.
ANSWER: Your letter reminded me of a plate-glass window that once leaped in front of my hand. Of course, it was the guy in front of it I was aiming for. He'd pushed my buttons once too often and I vowed he'd pay for it — until that window came to his aid. Twenty stitches later I decided that was the last time I'd try to solve a problem with my fist.
I got some slack that time because I was only 13. But as you can see from your suspension, adults today get a lot less sympathy for their outbursts. Consider this episode a warning shot across your bow, and look for ways to curtail that fighting instinct in the future. I've listed three dos and one don't below. An anger-management program is also a good option. For more information, check out Hendrie Weisinger's book "Anger at Work" (Morrow, 1995).
DO Acknowledge the problem. Your letter suggests you may not, but until you do, it can't be fixed. And until your boss and co-workers see you acknowledge your problem, they won't trust you not to explode again.
DO Look for signs and triggers. Warning signs are often physical — a tightness in your head, a twisting in your stomach, a clenching of your teeth. You need to create an internal bomb squad that can recognize those signals and quickly defuse your reaction. Anyone who's tried to quit smoking knows that the temptations of a smoky bar are overwhelming. So it is with anger. As much as possible, avoid the people and situations that have triggered an angry reaction in the past. This may involve sucking up your pride and asking to be transferred to a different project or work area.
DO Seek help. Human resources, a union representative, co-workers — there are often resources to help. And those are just at work. There are also a plethora of community resources, including clergy, counselors and anger hot lines. In short, there is no excuse for not getting help.
DON'T Assume it's normal. You know, in earlier days, bosses often excused their workers' outbursts with a grudging "boys will be boys" attitude. But those days are gone. Too many workers have "gone postal," and government statistics now indicate that homicide is a leading cause of workplace death. There is zero tolerance for violence in today's workplace. This raises a final question for you to consider: In the heat of your anger, can you choose to "cool it" in the interest of keeping your job? Testosterone or a paycheck — you make the call.
I've still got the scars from my encounter with that window. Follow these tips and hopefully your anger won't cause any more scars on your career.
"Only the shallow know themselves." — Oscar Wilde
What is the most important characteristic of a good team player?
Source: Accountemps
Bob Rosner is a best-selling author, speaker and internationally syndicated columnist. He'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic, especially if you have better ideas than he does. His books include "The Boss's Survival Guide" and "Gray Matters: The Workplace Survival Guide." Send your questions or comments to him via: bob@workingwounded.com.
ABCNEWS.com publishes a new Working Wounded column every Friday. This work is the opinion of the columnist and in no way reflects the opinion of ABC News.
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