Dealing With Sexual Orientation at Work

Jan. 8 -- Do your co-workers have pictures of their spouses and children on their desks? Do people talk about their weekend plans at the water cooler or in the elevator? Does the company host social events that include spouses? Has anyone ever stopped by your desk to collect money to send a gift to a newlywed colleague or the parents of a new baby?

If the answer to any of those questions is "yes," then sexual orientation is an issue in your workplace.

That issue can be either a big positive or a big negative. If it's a positive, people feel included and respected. They are more productive and more committed. If it's a negative, people feel excluded and disrespected. They are less productive and far more likely to quit and go work for your competitor. And they're more likely to file potentially costly harassment lawsuits.

Huh? How did we get from baby gifts to turnover and lawsuits? Here's how: Your heterosexual employees take for granted that they can comfortably share important elements of their private lives at work. All those normal activities — from pictures to weekend plans — are reflections of that comfort. And that's as it should be.

In most work places, however, gay men, lesbians and bisexuals do not feel comfortable sharing anything of their private lives.

Although they may have been with a partner for years, they do not have any pictures on their desk. If they talk about weekend plans at all, they probably talk about "I" but never "he" or "she" and probably not "we" because it invites too many questions. They probably attend social events alone, or they come with a friend of the opposite sex.

In short, while their heterosexual colleagues have one life, they have two lives: work life and personal life.

A Productivity Issue

OK, but how is this your problem and not something for the U.N. Human Rights Commission to address? It starts as a productivity issue. Gay men, lesbians and bisexuals still in the closet at work expend an enormous amount of psychic energy protecting their secret.

If you doubt it, try this experiment: Go an entire day without saying or doing anything that reveals your sexuality. You'll see "don't ask, don't tell" in a whole new light: Odds are that you'll be exhausted at the end of the day. And you'll have devoted a lot of thought and energy to protecting yourself that would have been better served solving a work problem.