How We Lie: Gender Makes a Difference

Both men and women fib, falsify and deceive. Just not about the same things.

(Getty images)

Any woman who has been online dating for awhile can tell you the story of meeting a man whose profile, which said he was 6-feet tall, ended up being several inches short of the truth. And most men can tell you about the woman whose reality was about 10 years older than her online photos.

And while the reverse might happen, it's much less likely. That's because most studies conclude that men and women lie with equal regularity, but in general, why, how and what they lie about are very different.

"One [female] client is 47, she looks 40, and her profile says 35," says Dr. Jonathan Alpert, a psychotherapist and Metro newspaper advice columnist who says one-third of his clients use online dating sites. "Men tend to lie about their height or how much money they make. In the old days, men might have said they were an investment banker when they weren't. I don't know if that helps much anymore."

Both men and women will shave a few pounds off their weight, however.

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Part I: Why We Lie

"Men tend to lie to gain career or professional status," says Dennis Reina, author of Trust & Betrayal in the Workplace. "Women tend to lie to gain social status."

So while a man is busy underestimating operating costs or bloating sales figures, Reina says their female colleagues are more likely to be spreading office gossip that may not be true, or making up excuses not to attend a co-worker's dinner party.

While the men's Enron-like corporate fibs might seem, on the surface, much more harmful, Reina, who consults on trust issues with companies like American Express, Boeing and Ben & Jerry's, says that catty back-biting shouldn't be dismissed: "Gossip within the office is the No. 1 killer of communication, trust and teamwork."

Women, says Reina, also have a tendency to pull the old "I'm sick" routine to get out of a deadline or an early-morning meeting more often than men, who are likely to fabricate a more macho scenario that doesn't cast them as weak: "A woman might say she has a headache, a guy will say he has to be in court because somebody rear-ended him."