Shrinks to Gosselins: Try Divorce Counseling

Don't fight in front the children: "They will carry this emotional memory for the rest of their lives," she said. Don't drag in outsiders like family and friends: "It makes it worse," she said.

But some couples are skeptical of counseling once the relationship fails.

Suzanne Garnmeister of Greenville, S.C., noticed her husband of eight years beginning to act "increasingly odd" in the summer of 1999.

"Normally even-tempered, he became angry and volatile," she told

Garnmeister was getting her college degree and couldn't pin down what was going on, but he soon asked for a divorce.

"I was completely devastated, and requested counseling, which he agreed to," she said. "However, when we were in counseling, he was never honest. He was hostile and resentful, but never admitted that he'd had an affair."

Therapy Only Works With Honesty

Two years later, she found about the affair when she found a letter he had written to his girlfriend.

"When I saw how Jon Gosselin was acting, it reminded me of how my ex acted at that time," she said. "In order to deal with the guilt he was feeling, he made me the 'bad guy' to justify his actions.

"I don't think counseling works unless both parties are honest," she said.

Ken Warner of Florence, N.J., tried marriage counseling with his first wife, even though he had made up his mind about divorce.

"We had one child and that played a big part of why I went," he told "My experience there was that it wasn't going to help; I had already made my mind up and wanted out of the marriage. The counselor couldn't change my mind. What could they possibly say?"

The couple had multiple pressures, not owning a home and renting from Warner's mother. His brother was also living with the couple.

"My wife couldn't stand him, but she was a real tough person and, at the end, I had enough of her too, she always had to be in charge, or she was a yeller." he said. "No counselor was going to change that."

But therapists say that the "crisis" of divorce is an opportunity for learning and personal growth, especially because an estimated 70 to 80 percent of those who divorce will remarry.

Such was the case with Washington, D.C., divorce lawyer Marjorie Just, 41, who sought counseling to cope with her own divorce eight years ago and today is remarried.

"In the aftermath of my separation and divorce it was incredibly healthy not only for venting, but also examining what I did to contribute to the relationship and what I was looking for in my marriage," she told

Just has been successful the second time around, even though 60 percent of all second marriages fail.

Divorce therapy can be difficult, but "some people are craving it," said Just, author of "Divorce Decisions."

"They don't want to be at war with the person who they loved and built a home with for years," she told "Not everyone is consumed by hatred by the end of the marriage."

She recommends counseling for all those going through a divorce, especially parents. "The marriage may be ending, but the relationship doesn't," Just said.

Today, the concept of divorce therapy has moved into the legal arena in a mediation process called "collaborative divorces."

All parties sign an agreement at the onset. The lawyers consent not to litigate against each other. They also agree that if the collaborative process fails, neither lawyer can represent them in court.

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