Readers Write on Spam

March 1 -- On the assumption that much of the Spam stocked away on Y2K worries remains uneaten, we asked readers for suggestions for creative uses of the spiced ham, including their favorite recipes. Or a Spam haiku. Here's a sampling of the responses.

Light a Candle

I have always wanted to make a Spam candle. Three wicks pushed through the loaf, and the tallow should burn nicely.

Of course, I have almost no sense of smell …

As for Spam haiku:

Spam is not a food,Real meat can't be cut with string.Blue tinned destruction.

— S. Chavez

Send It to Hawaii

Send [the surplus] to Hawaii. They are the largest consumers per capita of the stuff. It would help to repay them for all the things the colonials have done to them over time (stole their land, introduced diseases, introduced non-native fauna that decimated their own native animal populations, etc.).

By the way, I love Spam!

— Steve Brown

Provisions in a Bunker

Being so dense, tender, salty and pink, Spam undoubtedly retains some sort of insulation capabilities.This assumption would leave me to believe that it could very well shield a person from the deadly radiation of a nuclear war or meltdown.

We must begin construction of SpamBunkers immediately.

Plus, the bunkers, when no longer needed, could be eaten. This reduces the need for storing emergency food and supplies.

The world is simply a better place because of Spam.

— Marc Biedermann

No Pork Substitutes, Please

I buy [Spam] at a warehouse discount store and use it often in my recipe for fried rice. My family loves it; they'd be happy if I made it more often, so for us there's no such thing as too much Spam!

Just mix the following ingredients in a very large pan (wok-style preferred). Cook over low-to-medium heat until the egg is fully cooked.

First sauté in large pan using olive oil:1 can cubed Spam (tiny cubes)1 finely chopped green bell pepper5 green onions sliced thinlyThen add:8 cups steamed rice (2 cups at a time)stirring 3 eggs scrambled well into the rice.Stir all ingredients together well, and add soy sauce to taste (1/4 -