Transcript for Advice: How Breadwinning Women Can Talk to Their Man About Money
-- -- -- Women under thirty have -- higher median income than nearly and then and in nearly every major city across the country the percentage of -- would mean women. Has grown exponentially for decades but. If you're that woman there can be some serious side effects and consequences for your relationships. -- -- Enter personal finance expert Farnoosh Torabi she is -- there. When she makes more in our -- here delay and I'll outsell -- great -- and you know congratulations. You. What drove this decision tonight that the -- up as a personal decision. And also as a journalist I was fascinated by the statistics. You know. Going back to my own story and the breadwinner -- my marriage and I've been covering personal finance for over a decade this was the first time I really -- I personally was at a crossroads. Financially and also emotionally how to reconcile being the breadwinner in my marriage it's something that is a new normal for a lot of people. And they look at the macro situation where you see now 40% and families run five female head of household she is the breadwinner. That the percentage of married women who are. Making a bigger pay tax. Has grown four times since the 1960s so clearly this is only now a lot of women and -- -- Experience -- and we should celebrated there's nothing wrong with being a female breadwinner however there is a big part of the conversation happening. Which is how this sheet and he really thrive in their relationship the problem is that we have these very antiquated ideals. And expectations about what it means -- a male female relationship. And what money means in the relationship and that's causing friction. You talk about some of the side effects and again it. We're not saying this is a bad thing and -- But you talk about some of the side effect that bar for example harder for women who make more money -- you -- up relationships to get carried harder to stay. Yes higher chance for divorce a 50% higher chance for divorce when she makes mark. Chances are more infidelity and I -- my -- answer him a thousand women nationwide women who were in. Committed relationships split between women who made more and women who -- last and her partners. And -- -- when she makes more she is struggling to make it all war from career to finances to her romantic relationship. Sometimes -- she wishes she wasn't making more and in my interviews with couples and and who. Generously gave me there. You know their deepest darkest feelings -- -- an air at high. As -- it was fascinating -- that. -- -- -- will be like I don't talk about as of the flood gates and open teens and even the strongest relationships and have these moments of insecurity. Because again we're conditioned. Society expects us as well about -- women -- conditioned to place certain traditional roles. In marriage and from and that has ever since caveman Arab and to provide financially with it still wanna be taking care. And so money often determines those roll out when it's tilted or when it's -- I think people start to. Really kind of feel. A -- what do we do now what's my identity what's -- purpose in the relationship and that's causing a lot of complexity so as you are always want to do for an issue lay out the problem and you out -- solution that and you have these 1010 rules. The first one is face the facts which is because -- went -- in a lot people think I'm making up these numbers now. -- -- -- women on the rise the complaint figure and I -- my diligence but beyond you know -- -- -- their money there's there's really great chapter in the book that I -- called level the financial Plainfield. And this you know -- money had on. And that clearly in every relationship there -- financial responsibilities but in this kind of a dynamic where she makes more the emotional. There are a lot more emotional eight. Just like an emotional hole you know the man -- out of not involved she -- feel like she's taking on to match how do you make his money have meaning -- this chapter talks about how to make. Sort of a scenario where your money still feels -- on the relationship everyone's an equal player despite the income disparity and -- advice for all couples. With incumbents there not necessarily just when she makes more. There's a great rule that I discovered called -- to the mail which can be a little controversial. Because controversy yeah I'm Leon clearly and rookie of the numbering is really about understanding that there are gender differences in how many women. Interpret things are in the needs and when you are in a relationship where she makes more and he me feel an estimated and not knowing how to step up. She needs help so how do you communicate with your guy. To get him to really feel like a provider and want to help you out. It's time now for example -- just ask your guy. Okay can -- help because I forgot to do this X wires if it's about redefine the purpose in the relationship like to be accountable for to keyword. At the end of the day man wanna be -- -- they want to be the most important person like. If that is not through financial way and we happen discover what else that will be as a couple. And so it's about appreciating your man it's about under seeing that you want to nurture the relationship and they are certain kind of key words -- used with a man as with a -- -- to get. The partnership to really work looks really great work. Even more tips in the book when she makes more furnished -- thanks so much either with us we really appreciate thanks as always. And -- you for joining us for real as we hear from you does your -- present your success. Or your. To read it real hard day until next time this is Rebecca Jarvis from New York.
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