On their first date, the couple discussed having a child. Miller, who is white, and his partner, who is African American, chose to use a white egg donor with his partner's sperm. Through photos and video, they carefully selected a donor whose physical and personality characteristics matched Miller's.
"Our donor seemed happy, and we are happy people, a gift our parents gave to us genetically," Stuart said, noting that he cried at the birth.
The surrogate was a 23-year-old lesbian who had a 2-year-old son. She agreed to breast feed Quentin and will have a continuing relationship with the Miller family.
The egg donor, also a young woman in her 20s, signed a contract that would allow Quentin to contact his biological mother at the age of 18.
Since the birth, Quentin has been surrounded by grandparents, aunts, uncles and a female nanny, who will help the Millers after their paternity leave ends. The couple said they might consider another child, perhaps with Miller's sperm next time.
"We explain to gay couples that they are only one-third of the equation," according to Dr. Richard Paulson, chief of reproductive endocrinology and infertility at the University of Southern California. "In traditional surrogacy it's just a woman and the sperm."
"Now, for legal and emotional reasons, gestation is not genetically involved with the baby," said Paulson, director of USC Fertility. Egg donors are often college-age women in their 20s and, through in vitro fertilization, the egg is placed in the uterus of a 30-something woman.
"The surrogates have completed their child rearing and are stay-at-home mothers," said Paulson. "The kind of person you want is someone who likes being pregnant, feels good and likes everything about it. She might be too old to be an egg donor. But it's simpler that way."
Surrogate agencies around the country now provide "one-stop" services where gay men can find an egg donor and a woman to carry the child. One such couple — a research doctor and his partner — have just conceived their first child, according to Paulson.
For David, who flirted with becoming a parent, but eventually decided against it, gay men are the ultimate parents. "Gay men go through so many hoops to have kids," said David. "They really want them, unlike mothers like Britney Spears who don't care about their kids."
The American Psychiatric Association, as well as a dozen other other major medical and social organizations, are firm in their position that homosexuality is "neither a disorder to be treated nor a disease to be cured."
The APA goes even further with regard to gay parenting, arguing that there are no developmental differences between children raised by homosexuals or heterosexuals, "in intelligence, psychological adjustment, social adjustment, popularity with friends, development of social sex role identity or development of sexual orientation."
New York University psychologist April Martin, a lesbian who has three children through donor insemination, said children of gay parents have a "broader awareness of gender issues and greater sense of permission to be themselves."
Some critics argue that children of gay parents have more difficulty in schools, but Martin said the onus should be on the schools to make sure they are supportive of all children.