Wondering how to cope with Carmageddon, the catastrophe that descends on Los Angeles this weekend as an arterial 10-mile stretch of the 405 freeway shuts down for an unprecedented 53-hours?
Greg Proops has some suggestions. The comedian best known from "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" and "Chelsea Lately" faces the madness Saturday when he drives 45 miles from his L.A. home to a gig in Westlake Village, Calif.
"It's supposed to be an hour's drive. it might be anywhere between an hour and the life cycle of a mayfly," he told ABCNews.com. "I looked at the map, and I just broke down and cried. Because I'm a man."
See Proops' survival strategies below. And remember, he's just kidding.
A Xanax with your coffee is in order. I'm also downloading all the Russian novelists as books on tape. I've never gotten to them before, but I think I'll have time tomorrow. I'll finally get to hear "War and Peace" like I've never heard it before.
I'm going to bring a picnic basket with me. I don't know if anyone carries them anymore, but by God, I'm going to do it. I'm making up some sandwiches tonight, but because we're in L.A., we have to eat healthy. We have this thing called a wrap -- it's basically code for a disappointing burrito. And I'll have cookies. I think if I eat enough cookies on the way to the gig, I'll become ill and not have to have the gig.
Because you'll be going fairly slowly, I think it's fine to drink on the road. Not everyone, just the sexy people who can handle it. I was thinking grapefruit juice. And if an accidental bottle of vodka walked by it, that would be no fault of mine. (Ed. note: Again, Proops is joking. Do not drink and drive.)
I'm slathering the car with aromatherapy. Peach flavored. Just to calm it down a little bit.
I'm also planning to text everyone I've known in my life tomorrow. It's safe to text because you're not really going to be moving. (Ed. Note: Don't do this either.)
Not only am I texting, I'm also writing a short novel, 140 characters at at time. And I may tweet Carmageddon live. I'll be at twitter.com/gregproops
. Just try to come after me, LAPD.