2003 Entertainment Year in Review

As the year comes to an end, it's the sound of my own intermittent gasps and whimpers that I find so disturbing. You'd think I'd be used to it already … after all, "That's Entertainment!"

The year in a nutshell ends like this:

Michael Jackson leads the pack with nine counts, followed by Cold Mountain with eight Golden Globe nominations.

The whole Michael Jackson situation is preposterous, although, as any of you that have read my ramblings in the past will know, I am not surprised. It was only a matter of time before The Gloved Loon's tune was up.

The most ridiculous part of it all, however, was the media's treatment of this catastrophe, what would any other time be a delicate subject. From chasing the plane at the airport to following MJ's car in Vegas, it was an all-out circus, and the severity of the circumstances and criminal charges that ensued were lost in the absurdity of the coverage.

The Golden Globe nominations actually were announced the same day as the child molestation charges were filed against Jackson, and Cold Mountain did lead with eight nominations — which would've been fine, except the movie was not being released until Christmas Day, so no one had seen it.

Bottom line … you'd have been better off sitting atop a cold mountain than to have experienced some of the things that happened in the year of entertainment in 2003.

There's the Bennifer, Jennifer, Ben-Lo, J.Lo, Ben Affleck, on-again, off-again, have the world bend over, relationship of the year. We followed this not-so-dynamic duo around for the last 12 months, ready to be the voyeurs to their nuptials without a proper invite. Ever since that oh-so-top-secret shindig at the Four Seasons in Santa Barbara didn't go down, we've had to be content just keeping up with the fighting in Savannah or making up in Vegas. And as we leave double-03, there's still no word on if these two will say "I do" — or if they'll ever stop making the cover of Us Weekly.

And speaking of magazine covers … no one graced more this year than Ms. Britney Spears after she drove her tongue into the mouth of a woman who's been around the block more times than a pace car. Yes, it was the kiss that could be heard 'round the world when Madonna and Britney swapped spit on the MTV Video Music Awards show. The two have since forged a friendship that includes a few musical collaborations, which certainly will benefit both in hanging onto their respective and each other's audiences for a while longer.

Another kiss — make that kiss-off — that received an equal amount of publicity: the end of the David Gest-Liza Minnelli marriage. The biggest surprise, though, is that THEY EVER GOT MARRIED IN THE FIRST PLACE. David filed the divorce suit first, claiming he experienced all types of pains about the head after Liza beat him about the head during the course of their time together. He also asked for $10 million. (For aspirin, I think.) Liza then filed a countersuit the next day, basically saying he acted like a prima donna in public. Shocker!

The Jennifer Garner-Scott Foley divorce is another biggie, but not really because she quickly picked up the pace with Michael Vartan, her Alias co-star. Truth be told … folks love it when co-stars end up together.

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