Showbiz Commentary: Heidi Oringer

June 28 -- My intention this week was not to write a column. It's summer. I'm hot. I'm cranky. And, really, there isn't much going on.

Then, my prediction came true.

At the Golden Globes in January, Julia Roberts was the belle of the ball, America's sweetest sweetheart, and the soon-to-be recipient of an Academy Award for her work in Erin Brockovich. I looked at her and beau Benjamin Bratt and said — and I quote myself — "Those two aren't gonna make it much longer."

I said this to friends, colleagues, on the air with radio stations in various cities around the globe, and well, to anyone who would listen.

As a matter of fact, I even wrote it in an e-mail response to a (perhaps the only) reader who suggested Ben and Julia co-star in a remake of A Star Is Born. My response to her: "Nice idea, although I don't think they'll be living together, let alone working together, in the future …" (Thanks for the reminder, Myra!)

And, indeed, I was righty-o.

History Repeats Itself

Let me make this clear: I am not a fortuneteller (although I've considered launching my own psychic hotline). I am a realist.

Based on Ms. Roberts' public behavior with Mr. Bratt — which went from "the wind beneath my wings" to "yeah, we share air" — I garnered my first clue that there was trouble in paradise. I coupled that with her rather lengthy and choppy dating history, and thus, came to my painstaking conclusion. Also, this woman goes after her movie co-stars like flies on … well, I think you know.

But, in this day and age, it's hard to take someone at their word, so I would like to share with you all what I call:

The Periodic Table of Julia Roberts Love Elements:

1988: Scientifically known as LN. She co-stars in Satisfaction with Justine Bateman and Liam Neeson. Since she's heterosexual, she moves in with Liam Neeson, not Bateman.

1989: LN Yields to DM. Julia co-stars in Steel Magnolias with several older women and Dylan McDermott. She gets engaged to Dylan. (Again, Dolly Parton obviously didn't have the right appeal.)