'Sopranos' Return With a Bang

March 8 -- I was initially appalled when these wise guys at HBO just assumed that we'd wait more than a year for the troubled souls of the Soprano family to return. You know what they say about assuming. But no harm, no foul. It was worth the wait.

The Sopranos kicked off Season 5 Sunday. When we last heard from Tony and Carmela (James Gandolfini and Edie Falco), she had finally kicked him out of the house after years of his philandering. Now, time has pased, and she's rather happy with the situation, while he's anything but.

Sure, Tony is now free to play around, but being married didn't stop him before, so there's no real change there. The crime boss has an ever-increasing obsession with his shrink, Dr. Melfi (Lorraine Bracco). This season, he starts acting like a silly schoolboy with a crush, but he might as well be wearing a backpack, because the good doctor sends him packing.

I foresee Tony and Carmela bickering through most of this season. Inevitably, I believe, they'll get back together, but I hope it's only after Tony drops his ever-increasing gut. She's truly slimmed down, and the only way she should take him back is if he gives up his extra ladies and his extra lamb chops.

From Breaking Necks to Massage Therapy

Steve Buscemi has come on board as Tony's long-lost cousin. He's been locked away for 15 years, and now he's out, but instead of rejoining the Soprano crew, he's decided to try to make it as a massage therapist, a trade he learned in jail. Tony's not too thrilled, and that's never a good sign.

Sometime during the hiatus, Janice Soprano (Aida Turturro) finally snagged Bobby Bacala (Steve Schirripa). She's trying her best to play the loving wife, but she's already complained about the lack of intimacy. Based on her past relationships with goons like Richie Aprile and Ralph Cifaretto, she's going to be hard-pressed to stay satisfied with humble Bobby. Look for Janice to stray.