He might seem unnerving and irreverent, disturbing and downright insane, but you've got to give Tracy Morgan credit: the man thinks like no one else ever to grace the face of the earth, past, present, and probably future.
In "I Am the New Black," the "30 Rock" mainstay reveals where he came from, how he rose through stand-up comedy's rough ranks to spend seven years on "Saturday Night Live," who, exactly, he really is, and where he's headed. To read the almost 200-page-thick tome, co-written with Anthony Bozza, is to trip down a path as strange as it is hilarious, as dark as it is uplifting.
But we're wasting words -- better to let the man speak. (And he did today, to ABCNews.com, about his love for Wendys and how the new season of "30 Rock" promises to be as "funny, funny, funny" as the last one, all while walking through a revolving door in the same compartment as this reporter.)
Below, check out the 15 most shocking, for myriad reasons, bits from "I Am the New Black." To relish the full ride -- including many more passages that can't be posted here -- pick up the paper copy, in bookstores today.
1. On using humor as armor: "This mouth of mine and my goofy face have kept me from getting shot many times, particularly that one time when I stole a drug dealer's girl."
2. On hating ex "SNL" cast members: "I had my finger on the pulse of urban comedy, but when I brought my act to 'SNL,' those motherf*****s just felt bad for me. None of the cast i came up with saw this future for me. No, sir. All i have to say about that is, where's Chris Katan now? Where's Cheri Oteri now? That b***h can't even get arrested. ... It's all right; I don't mind. It's hard to get mainstream America to catch up. Mainstream America has just learned the words to Sugarhill's 'Rapper's Delight'! And we don't do that s*** no more! Jay-Z and Lil Wayne don't sound like that! No one sounds like that no more!"
3. On being an "SNL" minority: "I knew the score; this was a white show and I was the token black guy. That didn't bother me; I was used to those odds. Of course Will Ferrell fit in every sketch they'd ever come up with, but not me. That's just how it was, so my answer to that was being as funny as a motherf****r whenever I got the ball."
4. On loving fellow "30 Rock" impresario Tina Fey from the moment they met at "SNL": "Once Tina and I got together, it was over. Tina wasn't scared to come into my world and find the funny up in there. She's that kind of cool. Tina Fey, you know most of all what you did for me. Look at me, Tina Fey! I have to say it now and I'll say it again: I LOVE YOU, GIRL. I will always rock with you because you know my voice better than I do sometimes."