Coping With an Empty Nest When the Kids Clear Out

This photo taken Sept. 7, 2009 shows John Nardini with his wife Peggy as their dog Toby walks past in their kitchen, in Madrid, Iowa. Photos of their twins, Michael and Micah, are seen on the wall next to them. (AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall)

(AP)

Peggy Nardini was so sad when her twins left for college last year that she kept the doors to their rooms closed. When she recently dropped them off for their second year away, she felt the same pull at her heart.

"That initial moment when you give them that hug goodbye, when you walk away from the dorm and back to the car without them — that was awfully hard," said Nardini, 48, a secretary in Madrid, Iowa.

Her son and daughter go to different colleges about two hours away from home. "You want to teach your kids to fly out of the nest, but you don't want them to actually do it."

What can parents do when children leave the nest? The house is suddenly quiet, the vibrancy of children gone. The days seem empty without soccer games, school plays and bake sales. The job you've been doing every day for 18 years is over.

Here's how to cope:

ACCEPT YOUR FEELINGS: It's natural to feel a sense of loss, whether you are married, single, a career woman or a stay-at-home mom or dad, said Natalie Caine, founder of Empty Nest Support Services.

"Parents feel a lot of guilt and shame about really crying," she said. "`My child isn't dead, they are not in the service. We're just saying goodbye.' The word to drop is 'just.' Who wouldn't cry when you love someone and have to hug them goodbye at the dorm?"

Besides the closeness and connection with your children, you are also mourning the passing of an era, said Arthur Kovacs, a psychologist in Santa Monica, Calif. You are no longer young parents raising kids.

SEE THIS AS AN OPPORTUNITY: Set some goals as a couple and as an individual, said Thomas Olkowski, clinical psychologist in Centennial, Colo. Are there things you want to do now that the kids are gone? Places you want to go, things you want to learn? Remember that you are an adult who deserves to have some fun, he said.

Single mom Jackie Silver, 50, of Tampa, Fla., said she is moving to New York. Her son started college this year. "Being an empty nester, the world is my oyster now," said Silver, an anti-aging and beauty expert. "I'm excited to see what's next."