Stepmoms Must Re-Shape Maternal Instincts

ByABC News via logo
June 17, 2002, 5:10 PM

June 20 -- The six stepmoms who met for the first time in person already had one thing in common: their Brady Bunch fantasy of combining two families easily into one bigger one had gone bust.

After meeting each other online, the small group of women decided to get together for three days in Indianapolis for a stepmom support session to share war stories and advice. Good Morning America joined them as part of its three-part parenting series looking at parents, stepparents, and stepchildren. Since 65 percent of remarriages in the United States involve stepchildren, similar groups are becoming more popular fueled by confusion about what a stepparent's role should be.

"No book I could have read, or anyone I would have talked to would have helped to prepare me for being a stepmom," said Ginger P'pool.

Another stepmom said that it doesn't help that the image of stepmoms is a negative one.

"I think that just in general, stepmoms are looked at as evil people," said Lisa Mueller. "And they don't know what they're doing and they're trying to take the place of somebody else."

A Childs Cutting Words

Carolyn Hittle said that TV portrayals of stepparents are off the mark.

"When you blend your two families, you immediately think that everything's going to be like The Brady Bunch, and that's definitely not so," Hittle said.

One of the most hurtful sentences her stepdaughter said is something that other stepparents have surely heard as well.

"You know, 'you're not [my] mom.' I've heard that before," she said. "I've only heard it once and it cut me to the bone. But she's right. I'm not her mom."

At one time or another, all of the women said they felt like they couldn't deal with the situation.

"The process of becoming a stepfamily is kind of like a liver transplant," said Teresa Crafton. "It doesn't always take, but it will take lots and lots of medication in order to get everything accepted there. And the medication, in this instance, is education."