Ending the Granny Battle Royal

Dec. 19, 2006 — -- When Brian and Jennifer Marrs married five years ago, their parents couldn't wait to be grandparents.

But the birth of the couple's daughter, Jenna, turned up the heat in a battle between two unlikely but fierce opponents: in one corner, Brian's mom, Virginia, and in the other, Jennifer's mom, Marsha. It's a grandma battle royal.

"My mom is totally jealous over the time that his mom spends with Jenna," Jennifer said. "She even knows, to the day, how many days she spent with Jenna, and how many days his mom has spent here with Jenna."

"It's just really frustrating that everything seems like a competition in a way," Brian said.

Both sets of grandparents live in the same West Virginia town, which is about two hours away from Jennifer, Brian and Jenna. But with each grandmother insisting on solo time with the baby, the logistics are maddening.

Jennifer's mother, Marsha, won't travel to their home, so the Marrses spend almost every weekend on the road, shuttling Jenna between the two grandmas.

"The burden of getting everywhere is left with us, and we have a new baby," Brian said. "We'd like to keep her home and not be on the road during the frenzy of holiday traveling."

Wanting to be the favorite grandparent is understandable, and it's actually more common than you might think.

Factors like the number of other grandchildren in the family, the distance between the grandparents and their grandchildren, and each family's financial status can intensify competitive feelings, which can become particularly strong around birthdays and holidays.

"I think the rivalry just stems from personalities," Brian said, adding that his mother-in-law even wants to know how much the other grandma spends on gifts for the baby.

"She's very competitive," he said. "I mean everything -- she measures it and compares."

Grandparents competing for affection can often strain their own kids' marriage.

Luckily, Jennifer and Brian have managed to keep a united front, but as baby Jenna grows up, they must make one critical change in how they handle their parents.