Read Excerpt: 'NurtureShock' by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman

Journalists Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman look at new thinking about kids.

ByABC News via logo
August 24, 2009, 11:20 AM

Dec. 8, 2009— -- According to Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, a little conflict in the home could actually be beneficial to kids as they learn through observation how to settle arguments.

It's just one of the topics covered in their book "NurtureShock." In the book, the science journalists explore misconceptions about raising children and how some of the modern strategies are doing more harm than good because they ignore nature.

Read a chapter from the book below, then click here to explore the "GMA" Library for more great reads.

Everyone's heard that it damages children to be witness to their parents' fighting, especially the kind of venomous screaming matches that escalate into worse. But what about plain old everyday conflict? Over the last decade, that question has been the specialty of the University of Notre Dame's Dr. E. Mark Cummings.

Cummings realized every child sees parents and caregivers carping at each other over such banalities as who forgot to pick up the dry cleaning, pay the bills, or whose turn is it to drive the carpool. In studies where Cummings has parents make a note of every argument, no matter how small or large, the typical married couple was having about eight disputes each day, according to the moms. (According to the dads, it was slightly less.) Spouses express anger to each other two or three times as often as they show a moment of affection to each other. And while parents might aspire to shielding their kids from their arguing, the truth is that children are witness to it 45% of the time.

Children appear to be highly attuned to the quality of their parents' relationship – Cummings has described children as "emotional Geiger-counters." In one study, Cummings found that children's emotional well-being and security is more affected by the relationship between the parents than by the direct relationship between the parent and child.

So are parents distressing their children with every bicker? Not necessarily.