Bethenny Frankel's Journey to a 'Place of Yes'


Without recognizing your noise, you won't be able to come from a place of yes. Noise is strong and has power. Your noise might be in a different category than my noise, or you might have noise in all the same places. There is childhood noise — the noise that repeats all those stories that you have learned about yourself based on what your family told you, that holds you back from growing up. There is career noise — the noise that tells you that you don't deserve to get ahead, that you aren't qualified to be where you are, or that you'll never be able to have the job that makes you happy. There is food noise — the noise that urges you to binge or starve or beat yourself up if you were "bad." There is exercise noise that keeps you on the couch because what's the point. There is beauty noise that tells you that you won't ever be beautiful because of this or that feature. Imagine if Lauren Hutton, with the gap in her teeth, or Cindy Crawford, with her beauty mark, or Barbra Streisand, with an imperfect nose, had listened to beauty noise? Thank goodness they didn't change a thing about their beautiful faces.

'A Place of Yes'

There is money noise — the noise that tells you that you might as well charge your credit card to the limit because you are so far in the hole that it doesn't matter, or that you better not dare spend anything on yourself because you are scared to death that you might not have enough money for something else. There is relationship noise — the noise that encourages you to endure horrible relationships, or attracts you to the wrong men, or tells you that you should get married now or you might never get another chance, or tells you to run whenever a relationship gets serious. Your noise will change as your life changes. Now that I have a baby, I have parenting noise and sleep noise and breast-feeding noise. Sometimes I lie awake and wonder, am I doing it right? What if I mess up my daughter? This noise is totally new for me but there it is — noise can come and go according to what is happening to you right now.

You might have other kinds of noise, too. Friendship noise, sibling noise, sex noise, clutter noise, body noise, cooking noise— whatever your issues are, whatever holds you back or stresses you out, that's where your noise is.

Fortunately, like the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other, your noise has a counterpart: it is your voice. Your voice knows what's good for you and right for you and what is authentic to who you really are. It tells you what to do, why you are good, and why you deserve the best. It shows you the map for reaching your dreams, and when you learn to hear it and ignore the noise, the noise gets quieter and the voice gets louder. This is the key to unlocking the best parts of yourself.

When you are used to your loud, rude, clamoring noise, your voice can be hard to hear. But it's in there. A Place of Yes is about how I found mine, and how finding your voice and learning to listen to it can allow great things to start happening to you. Because you'll stop getting in the way.

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