Excerpt: 'You: Being Beautiful' on the Biology of Sex

Men, when you're by yourself, you can practice increasing your sexual energy. Bring yourself to two or three peaks at a time—ejaculating only after you've come close to the edge a few times. (Deep breathing can help you teeter on the edge without falling over.) What you're doing is priming your prostate gland like a pump to help improve sexual performance.

Challenge yourself. You give yourself goals at work and in life, so why not create some for the bedroom? It can be anything—practicing Kegel exercises during the day or working to locate your G-spot if you haven't.

Be softer. One of the main tenets here is to slow things down. Don't be in such a rush to get to bed or to finish up. Carve out time to have a marathon lovemaking session in which the final goal isn't necessarily an orgasm but simply the journey itself.

Play to Your Partner's Strengths

We all know the whole Mars and Venus debate. Men are different sexual creatures than women. Men respond to new visual cues; women respond to friendly emotional ones. Go a little deeper, and you understand that it's more that men respond to fear and excitement, and women respond to intimacy.

Instead of agreeing to disagree, couples should capitalize on their differences to help make their partners more comfortable in bed. So what does that mean? A man should make it a habit to look into his partner's eyes during sex: That eye lock is a way to increase intimacy (and oxytocin). And a woman should acknowledge that her partner's arousal may be based more on urgency, meaning that it's not so bad to have the lights on during sex, crave a quickie, or meet up for a lunch hour that involves absolutely no lunch at all.

Go Crazy

There's a reason why bungee jumping, river rafting, and sneaking into the supply closet can make the perfect first date. Doing novel things with another person stimulates dopamine—the feel-good chemical that's elevated when you're in love.

Also, since men are aroused by fear and anxiety and heart rates are elevated during both attraction and danger, it increases the likelihood that a man will find his partner more attractive during a daredevil date. The dopamine is actually firing high when you first get together but not necessarily on the 80th date, so it's even better to make special new adventures or variations more common the longer you're together.

Novel choices are especially great for couples whose libido has diminished or whose sex life has gone stale.

Mix it Up

Guys, listen up. While men have orgasms in 95 percent of sexual encounters, some reports have women having orgasms in 69 percent of encounters. * Interestingly, the more varied the sexual activity, the more likely a woman is to have an orgasm.

* We couldn't have made up a better number for this statistic if we tried, eh? Of course, getting these numbers is hard to do, and some reports have much lower numbers.

That means mixing it up among manual, oral, and genital stimulation. Oral sex, by the way, increases a woman's chance of having an orgasm.

Open the Fridge

While you're probably thinking that we're going to tell you to get some chocolate sauce and whipped cream, the truth is that food plays a vital role in our sexual desire—some because of the smell, some because of the shape, and some because they alter your body chemistry to make you a more desirable mate.

Our choices:

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