Kimberly Giles from Bouniful, Utah, is a finalist in the Dear GMA Advice Guru Contest. Read her application below!
Essay I would be the ultimate advice guru on GMA because I'm funny, modern, hip, sexy, clever and entertaining. I have experience in radio and video and am a professional writer, speaker (humorist) and life coach. I am also a Mormon mother of seven (No scandals with this girl)! I have been through so much in my life it would make your head spin! I've been a college student, a mother with small children, a rich stay at home mom with a huge house, an unhappy woman on the verge of divorce, a totally broke single mother with four kids in a little apartment, a single mother trying to date, a soccer mom, an administrative assistant, a computer consultant, a professional speaker and humorist and for the last 6 years a life coach. I have done it all in my 42 years. I wrestled a gun away from a shooter, had my car repossessed, adopted a child (my beautiful African American daughter), fought chronic illness (spent years in bed on IV's) married a man with three children and made a blended family work (which is not an easy thing to do!), been a life coach to multi-millionaires, coached financially broke couples on the verge of divorce, survived domestic violence, dealt with a husband with mental illness, wrote a popular blog about trying to get a date at 40 years old, entertained groups on a cruise ship with my humor, cut coupons so I could afford to feed a family of nine, ran my own home-based businesses, and helped open orphanages in Mexico. Bottom line - there is not much that I haven't experienced. This makes me very good at giving advice!
What's the best advice you have ever given? What was the result?
When I told a teenager to stop listening to her parents. Her parents were so controlling that she HAD to make bad choices in order to feel that she had a choice at all. It is in our nature to value the freedom to make our own choices. This child wanted to have choices. She didn't want the bad stuff she was choosing, but she felt they were her only choice because doing what her parents said would not feel like a choice at all. I told her that she needed to completely ignore her parents! She needed to start making smart choices that actually made sense for her life. I told her to think about what she wanted in her life -- and start choosing what she actually wanted. It worked too. Given the freedom she always wanted, she started to make good choices for herself.
Kimberly Giles is Finalist in GMA Advice Guru Contest
What would you tell his person: "Whenever there is an issue between my mother-in-law and me, my husband refuses to stand up for me. How do I get him to value our relationship more than the one with his mother?
He doesn't value her more, he fears her more and that's a good thing! He feels safer with you. You can help him want to change this but you can't take it personally and you must stay calm and loving (this requires maturity on your part.) Are you up for it? Ask him questions about how this situation makes him feel. Ask him what emotions it brings up in regards to his mother. What does he worry about? Why? Can he see how you might feel? He may be able to see what he is doing wrong, if you create a safe place (where he's not in trouble) and get him talking about how it makes him feel. He will see how it makes you feel and decide to fix it himself. It's always better to have him figure out what he's doing wrong, then to have you tell him.
What would you tell this person: "While cleaning my son's room, I accidentally saw on his Facebook page threatening remarks from his friends. I fear he's being bullied. What should I do?"
You should talk to him but you should be very respectful and calm when you do. This is his business -- it's not about you and your fears! You must set your fears aside. Then ask him if he would be open to talk to you. Tell him the truth -- you were in his room and saw his computer, you shouldn't have looked but you did -- so now you just want to know how he feels and what he thinks about it. Make sure that this is about what he thinks and feels it's his life! Just listen. You may ask questions but you may not give your opinion or advice unless you ask permission first. "Would you be open to some advice from your old Mom?" This way you can offer help but still honor and respect who he is.
What would you tell this person: "My boss keeps taking credit for my ideas. What should I do?"
Do the unexpected! At this point your boss is scared and uncomfortable around you -- he knows what he's done. He's scared. If you go on the attack now you will just trigger him to get defensive and you won't get anywhere -- except maybe fired. So my advice is to do the opposite. Kill him with kindness! It will throw him off completely. Reach out with love, offer more help, even give him your ideas and say, "Hey why don't you take credit for that one!" Choose to love this very scared person. This will start to create a different kind of energy between you. From this new place you can ask permission to talk about future ideas and share how it makes you feel. He will feel safer now and will be more able to show up for you.
Submissions have been edited for length, style and clarity.