Learning to Love Yourself
Writer Jane Smith Bernhardt talks about the love she's learned.
March 25, 2010 — -- What is so lovely about the spiritual path is that each person needs to find his or her own way into the holy of holies. What works for one person or group does nothing for another. Some bow, some kneel, some lie prostrate on the ground. Some sit in anatomically baffling positions counting their breath. But each rejoices when a pathway is found into a special clearing where they may stand face-to-face with their own divine Truth.
My pathway begins in the morning. It is unusual for me to wake up in anything less than a funk. For as long as I can remember my day has started out this way: grumpy and self-critical with a dash of anxiety. So when people commend me for having a faithful morning Quiet Time I have to chuckle a bit: "You should see me without it!" It's not so much a question of discipline as of self-preservation. This is not a time of controlled breathing while sitting in the lotus position. It's me still half buried under the covers with a cup of tea and whatever spiritual materials are close at hand. Me asking, "Where are you?" to the merciful unseen companions who will engage in silent conversation if I am patient enough.
What works for me is to have a journal handy. First I unload all the negative thoughts then I ask for help and wait…. It used to be that the wait felt endless, and after a long enough time I'd move on into the day, aware of more peace and acceptance, in spite of the silence at the other end of the conversation. But later I began to feel a sense of subtle presence, always loving and accepting. And with the presence a little thought or image would come, and I would record it in my journal. Over time these recordings have become a volume of lessons, dealing with different themes of the spiritual journey. I love the waiting and the messages. What has been revealed to me is that all of the things I can see and touch – including my own body – will be gone in a hundred years. Only this conversation will remain. That is what makes these messages so precious to me.
