How Can You Avoid Spoiling Your Child?

May 20, 2004 -- Stacey Lacerte and her 8-year-old daughter, Blake, love to shop so much they're at the Pheasant Lane Mall near their home in Merrimack, N.H., two or three times a week.

Blake likes to shop for toys, even though her toy chest at home is already filled.

"It's hard to find something new for her at a store, which is kind of sad, because she has it all," her mother said. "But if there is something new, she has to get it."

Blake's father also finds it hard to deny Blake anything. In fact, he never does.

"It's hard to say no, because she's so good," said her father, Mike Lacerte.

How Spoiled Is Too Spoiled?

Her mother admits she is worried that the indulgence may go too far.

"I've always spoiled her," Stacey Lacerte said. "I know I do that. But the problem I had was that she was turning a little bit into the spoiled rotten sort of category — like not appreciating things so much."

She is right to worry. Research shows that an overindulged child can grow up to be a self-absorbed, unmotivated and depressed teenager. When parents give to a child all the time, the youngster learns that every wish will be gratified. The child never learns how to tolerate frustration, or how to do or get things on his or her own.

When that indulged child becomes a teen, he will be at risk for wanting that instant gratification all the time, which can lead to drug and alcohol problems and promiscuity, as well as difficulties in school, child development experts say.

Blake's parents are divorced. She lives with her mother in a house filled with children's toys. Blake's bedroom, which she shares with her little sister, 2-year-old Ryleigh, is crammed with stuffed animals, dolls and collectibles, not to mention a computer, TV and PlayStation. The living room is dominated by a giant toy box. Even the kitchen has a stash of toys. The garage contains not one bike, but six — as well as a $900 motorized scooter.