In addition to having lyrics that convey a multiple personality disorder, the actual composition of the music is too lame, even for a fifth-grader.
Use Britney for fun (i.e. Halloween and theme parties), not for love.
The first problem is that you're using a band called Poison — as in venom, toxic, fatal and destructive — to be emotive. The next problem is that you're using an 80s hair metal band to say "I love you."
If you're expecting to get anything but a slap in the face, a breakup or a dinner alone, then you clearly haven't been paying attention.
While the premise of lead singer Bret Michaels' lyrics may be true — love does have its ups and downs — you're only supposed to focus on the bright side of things for Valentine's Day. Save the reality for Feb. 15.
There's no doubt Lionel Richie has been a hit maker. The bread and butter of his popularity was penning love songs for the Commodores and later for himself as a solo artist.
And while songs like "Three Times a Lady," "Hello" and "Truly" garnered him much success, do you really want to take your love cues from a man who's twice divorced? Richie once admitted on "Oprah" that he was great at writing about love, but not so great about having it in his personal life.
Also, it seems like Richie isn't always so sure of himself in his songs.
Hello, is it me you're looking for?
'Cause I wonder where you are
And I wonder what you do
Are you somewhere feeling lonely or is someone loving you?
Tell me how to win your heart
For I haven't got a clue
But let me start by saying ... I love you
If Richie isn't even sure how to get his woman, what makes you think he knows how to rope in yours?
This song reads like an instruction manual for lovemaking, and not in the Kama Sutra kind of way. The Boyz' step-by-step algorithm leaves nothing to the imagination, which takes all the romance out of the situation.
Close your eyes, make a wish
And blow out the candlelight
For tonight is just your night
We're gonna celebrate, all thru the night
Pour the wine, light the fire
Girl your wish is my command
I submit to your demands
I'll do anything, girl you need only ask
And sure, they and songwriter Babyface say they'll do anything you ask, but we've already learned from Meatloaf that's likely not true.
A falsetto, like a tune, may sound good in theory, but often, in practice, the application isn't as good as the vision. That's probably what happened to Savage Garden. The lyrics, melody and vocals make this song by Darren Hayes and Daniel Jones one of cheesiest songs on the list.
Plus, that last line sounds dangerous. You would hope your loved one would alert you of any jeopardy and at least be active enough to get off the coach and into a safe space. Sometimes love should know bounds, like impending trouble.
It's easiest just to list why this is true.