Worst Love Songs of All Time

It's a good rule of thumb that if you hear it in an elevator or the dentist's office, the song isn't sexy and therefore not a good love song.
While Bolton has since cropped his locks, his biggest love songs came during an extensive period where he sported a long, frizzy mullet with a receding hairline. You can't entrust your love life to a mullet.
All the songs are soft rock — SOFT ROCK. That's an oxymoron.

If you need more reasons than that, then you probably should be in a relationship, anyway. (And you won't be once you play, "How Can We Be Lovers," or "How Am I Supposed to Live Without You.")

Paul Anka: 'You're Having My Baby'

This Anka-written track could be the theme to every paternity test segment ever featured on "The Maury Povich Show;" therefore, it's not a good option to show your innermost feelings.

Didn't have to keep it
Wouldn't put ya through it
You could have swept it from your life
But you wouldn't do it
No, you wouldn't do it

As television and movies have often shown, a baby isn't always the best gift. Sometimes you can just go for a watch or that DVD collection your lover has been eyeing.

This song also is horrible because Anka comes off as a little smug, so you're not sure if he's really happy about the addition or if he's being sarcastic.

Havin' my baby
What a lovely way of sayin'
How much you love me
Havin' my baby
What a lovely way of sayin'
What you're thinkin' of me
I can see it, face is glowin'
I can see in your eyes
I'm happy you know it

Sarcasm will ruin any Valentine's Day.

LFO: 'Summer Girls'

What is this one-hit-wonder, late-1990s band talking about?

New Kids On The block had a bunch of hits
Chinese food makes me sick
And I think it's fly when girls stop by for the summer, for the summer
I like girls that wear Abercrombie and Fitch
I'd take her if I had one wish
But she's been gone since that summer
Since that summer

What? It gets so much worse.

Hip-hop marmalade spic and span,
Met you one summer and it all began
You're the best girl that I ever did see
The great Larry Bird jersey 33
When you take a sip you buzz like a hornet
Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets
Call me Willy Whistle cause I can't speak baby

No one cares, partly because they don't understand. All this gibberish and then they have the nerve to compare you to Scooby snacks. Seriously, this won't even work for the elementary school set. Just pretend Brad Young, Dow Brain and Rich Cronin never wrote this song and you should be able to keep your sanity on V-Day.

Michael Jackson: 'You Are Not Alone'

This song slips in not because of its lyrics or musicality. It's actually a pretty nice song written by R. Kelly.

You are not alone
I am here with you
Though we're far apart
You're always in my heart
You are not alone

The sentiment isn't bad, but the music video is. No one wants images of a naked Michael Jackson cavorting with then-wife Lisa Marie Presley while he or she is trying to woo a partner. That really will put the kibosh on any romantic intentions.

Love Ballads by Rock and Boy Bands

Chicago: 'You're the Inspiration'

Part of what draws people together romantically is a shared interest in one another's drive and ambition. So, when you become the inspiration and meaning of life, your relationship could be in trouble.

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