Most Nursing Homes do a good Job. Many are bad, yes, but Most are good doing a good job. Most of the issues come when people who have mental issues get involved and say Nursing Homes are H — holes. That causes so much wasted time by the States and the Staff.
Every situation is unique. People can pass judgment about nursing homes or assisted living facilities, but until you've lived your own crisis and faced those battles, you can't say that you know what it's like, or know what is best for someone else. The nursing home where my husband's grandmother spent her last 10 or so years was very good. Not perfect, and very expensive, but very good.I am 34 and caring for my 76 year old mother who has dementia, rheumatoid arthritis, asthma, diabetes, and a heart condition. She still lives by herself. I am married less than 2 years and struggling with fertility issues to start my own family with my husband. Moving my mom in with us is not an option — we have a 2 bedroom starter home that is tri-level — there is no where she could stay where she wouldn't have to go up and down stairs. I also work full time 40+ hours per week; sometimes up to 55-60 hours per week during "crunch" times. I go over to my mom's several times a week to get her groceries, do her laundry, and set up her meds for the week for her. But I can't make sure that she tests her blood sugar 3x per day all the time, and she refuses all help from outsiders. I have 3 brothers, but only one of them lives in the same city, and he does very little to help. His relationship with our mom is more complicated because frankly, she has never been a real affectionate lady, and when my brother was 12 years old she threw him out of the house for 2 weeks because she was mad at his father (he's my half-brother). He stayed on friends' couches and ate out of dumpsters until she relented and let him back in her house. So I CAN understand why he has some ambivlalence. Everyone's situation is different. In a perfect world, everyone could afford adequate health care; everyone would have a good support system; everyone's family relationships would be warm and loving and we'd all be able to care for our elders in our homes. We don't live in a perfect world.
I am that 'elderly parent'! I have told all 3 of my sons that I want to go to a nursing home when that time comes. I would love the first step of 'assisted living' but I am not blessed financially so the nursing home must be my choice. I have picked out one here in the city that I prefer to go to when it is needed. The last thing I would want to do is be a burden to my children at a time in their lives when retirement is in view and they have responsibly fulfilled their duty of raising their children. That is the time in life when they and all other children of parents...need to relax and enjoy a few years before it is their turn to move to the nursing home! I know my children love me and they don't have to prove that by moving me into their home. Thank God for a final place of 'home' that our nursing hmes provide!