Dealing With Grief: How Long Should Support Last?

April 18, 2007 — -- The shock of the shootings this week at Virginia Tech has been felt throughout the world.

As a parent of three daughters currently in college, I have deep empathy for the unimaginable anguish of the family and friends of those students and faculty who died or are wounded. The shock of this event affects all of us, and the memory of this will stay for many months and years.

For those most closely tied to the shootings, the future holds many challenges as they come to terms with grief and loss.

As a psychologist, I have worked with many individuals, families and communities who have faced such losses. I know that this kind of life-threatening personal experience, combined with the traumatic loss of loved ones, and the massive disruption of one's normal life, poses substantial psychological challenges for recovery for the students, teachers, administrators and staff, as well as the community of Blacksburg, Va.

Grief will be experienced by many of those affected by this tragedy. The Virginia Tech community and the survivors have suffered significant losses, and the losses may lead to feelings of sadness, anger and guilt for their own survival; some may experience longing for the deceased and even dream of seeing them again.

These reactions are completely normal, but vary from person to person, and for some they can last for an extended period of time.

There is no single "correct" way to grieve. Personal, family, religious and cultural factors all shape our experiences of grief.

Although grief can be painful to experience -- especially at first -- it is a healthy reaction. It is important to know that over time, grief eases, and is replaced with positive memories.

Because the horror of this event has affected us all, the Virginia Tech community has received much support during these early days and this can be so important to recovery. But we cannot let the support dwindle as time goes by.

In the aftermath, many students have left the campus to be with family and friends, and to regain a sense of safety and comfort. The dispersion of the student population will ultimately play a role because reactions of grief, trauma and severe emotional stress will unfold over months, not over days.