Polyamory on Rise Among Divorce-Disgusted Americans
California couple share love, bed and 'orgasmic' birth of child.
Dec. 8, 2011— -- Jaiya Ma has a rich life -- a successful career as a sexologist, a healthy 2-year-old and two men who have sex with her. And soon, there may be another woman who will become part of this unconventional, but loving, polyamorous family.
For the last 10 years, Ma, 34, has lived with Jon Hanauer. But five years ago, she met Ian Ferguson at a dance class and fell in love.
Now, all three live together with Eamon, her son with Ferguson, at their home in Topanga, Calif.
Hanauer, 49, urged Ma to find a new lover after their relationship stalled and she fell hard for furniture designer Ferguson, who is 44. A year later, she was pregnant with his child.
Both men helped deliver Eamon in a birthing tub -- an experience Ma described as "orgasmic."
The triad lives with open communication and an even more open marriage. Both men have had affairs with other women and Ferguson has now asked to bring another woman into the family.
"Jealousy comes up," Ma admits. "But we are all fairly harmonious. We are lucky that we are all have the tools and mechanisms to deal with jealousy and communication and never play the blame game."
Polyamory -- or "many loves" -- is not common, but the practice is growing, say advocates, especially among younger Americans who have grown up with a high divorce rate.
Polyamorists believe that people have the right to form their own complex relationships with multiple partners. The most vocal want the right to marry -- as a cluster.
One of the largest advocacy groups Loving More, based in Loveland, Colo., publishes a magazine and holds conventions and retreats for the like-minded. Founded in 1985, the organization has more than 45,000 in its active database.
"We're getting ready to do a survey," said Executive Director Robyn Trask. "It's hard to gauge the number -- it's not on the census. But in the last two years, the movement has quite exploded."
Just recently, Mo'Nique, an Oscar-winning American actress, discussed her open marriage with ABC's Barbara Walters.
She said polyamory is not just an excuse to have "hook up and have casual sex."
"From my standpoint as a political activist, polyamory has become a blanket for things it is not," said Trask, who has a primary partner living with her in Colorado and two other men she is in love with -- one from New York City and another abroad.
Trask said Jaiya Ma and her lovers are unusual in that they live together. "A lot of people would love to have what she has, but finding three people to commit and get along is not easy."
Ma and Hanauer met in 2000 during tantric yoga classes in Cincinatti, Ohio, and fell in love taking a teacher training course.
They had had open marriage, but after one hurtful relationship, Hanauer retreated emotionally, but encouraged Ma to find another lover. In 2007, she met Ferguson at a dance class and the attraction was immediate.
Divorced, Ferguson had just discovered polyamory, and after a year he showed an interest in a sexual relationship with Ma. While still discussing having children -- Hanauer was not sure he was ready -- Ma got pregnant with Ferguson's baby.
All three moved to a larger home, which Ferguson helped pay for, and together they took birth classes for a home delivery. All three sat in the birthing pool during labor.
Today, Hanauer stays home with the baby and handles the business side of Ma's work as a sexologist. Ferguson is the breadwinner.
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