Transcript for Fight Relationship Boredom
The biggest threat to long term relationship satisfaction may come in the form of board up. That's what good and bad dot com found in a recent study that looked at 3000 people in monogamous relationships. Turns out almost 50% of couples need help. Joining -- to discuss how to -- -- your relationship is sexuality counselor New York Times best selling author. Ian Kerner Ian welcome -- -- So it's shocking. -- so many couples are -- -- -- Well you know when you think about the big threats to a relationship I feel like people tend to focus again on the big things in fidelity. Money issues. Fighting with in laws are you know over values but sometimes it's -- little threats that are really the most insidious so we went out we have the support of K why we did a survey of over 3000 people. On the topic of relationship boredom and yes 50% of people identified themselves as being. Board in their relationships. Boredom is particularly insidious because it creeps up on you. Right you don't even know it's happening at birth yes. And you know what and it turned out that out women were more board in their relationships then men as well -- -- indirect -- interest statement. I mean EU might have some opinion about destroying an idea you know women tend to be maybe a little more emotionally attuned. So what's happening in -- relationship so they might be sort of the first wave of women experiencing -- But it won't ask you something don't we were talking about boredom -- people get specific were they looking for more variety and most frequent seeing live what. They were people who complained about frequency of intimacy and there -- people who complained about. Communication. There -- people who complained about not doing find things together many people leaned their boredom. On their partners can take responsibility. For the board -- -- -- I think that's a big known how -- -- -- airport you need to become proactive well you know it's very interesting because in this study we also sets a case if you're -- in your relationship. Are you also board and your job. Have you been board in previous relationships and as it turns out the vast majority of people who were bored and their relation -- Where indeed the word in other aspects of their lives. So Clinton before we get into the tips and what we can that this isn't just self indulgent is that it's sort of -- -- -- -- board -- Bigger problems in life this is serious this could threaten -- -- -- -- because 25%. Again coming back to the survey 25% of all people believed she had. Had done so because they -- right so I think we're looking that something much bigger and the fact that as human beings on a big level. We want newness we want novelty we want to be recognized by our partners we don't just want predictability and routine and it's hard because if you think about it. Relationships require a lot of predictability. A lot of routine attacking really work against kind of -- spark and the right chemistry in the. We have to figure out how to have -- -- -- needed to right all right so what is it what are what -- -- -- you have how do we bring that -- back into the 1015. Year marry -- Now I know what you know says some things are simple or sounds simple I think one of the issues -- Really been a strong individual I work with a lot of couples and -- -- a lot of couples who in their relationship. They're really living through the relationship as opposed to bringing themselves. To the relationship and I have found that the strongest relationships. Have the strongest individuals so so couples where. People have their own interest their own friends I've worked with couples who go on sometimes -- -- on separate vacations and you know what it really works have been a strong. Individual. Really helps you not to be bored in your relation. Shrinking due to many things independently isn't -- the danger of -- -- stray. Well I think if you are connected to your partner and I think that's where where also I think. You need to have fun with your partner you know in this economy I've really noticed that one of the first things that people cut from their list of things to do you. -- -- And vacations. Gifts for their partners going out to restaurants with their partners I think it's really you have to also invest in doing fun things. In your relationship I mean it's really like -- like trickle down fine yeah it starts with you and your partner. Right so -- saying in order to get the excitement back in the bed. We've got to look outside the bedroom and think about activity to do with your partner -- perhaps. -- all that aren't there. Planes were were not just about sacks and out the relationship outside American. But here's something that's awesome really interest things. A lot of people were aboard in the bedroom but I think over 60% of people surveyed said that they were up for something new in the bedroom if only there part. He adds that no -- wants to -- and yeah. Didn't you think that means that people are still -- school at the -- when it comes to. Thanks taxes don't like blush worthy right experts -- interestingly so we did a follow up survey on sexual adventures this we were sort of like okay 60% of you are up for something new in the -- right what do you up more. Again women turned out to have had much more sexual adventure. In their experience than men staying the attic and women. Women are willing to communicate more I think that I think that men just get so tongue tied when it comes to relationship -- and actions have stopped and intimacy. So go out on a land you know -- I think that's something and I doubt -- -- -- better. People we send these textbooks and made its way to -- it because it's. Sometimes but let's open to a pay. -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --
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