It's the most wonderful time of the year writes the holiday is of course -- of merriment than spending time with loved ones. Unfortunately we all know that all families with can sometimes falls short... See More
It's the most wonderful time of the year writes the holiday is of course -- of merriment than spending time with loved ones. Unfortunately we all know that all families with can sometimes falls short of those picture perfect gathering -- our next guest those gonna tell us how we can. All the emotionally healthy this holiday season and -- the holiday drama without actually -- the family -- Janet Pfeiffer. Is author of this secret side of anger and she joins us now with them for tips on how we make the holidays happy healthy. Called emotionally stable. First hit that you can give us because a lot of times people circuit in this family gatherings and anxiety starts to build up. While the first thing is that you know we we all have difficult people -- and we the first is to identify who that person -- to take a look at yourself. You know -- -- -- the point isn't -- with uncle gel or it's my mother in law. But very often gets -- there often we are doing -- things that are instigating issues within families so it always begins with taking a look at the south that's the first OK so identify -- the person is even if that person has ourselves yeah okay making the necessary adjustments you know I know that I can be a little sharpened and -- with people. I need to pull back on. So what do you suggest that once we identify the person again if -- the person we see in the -- what do we do that to make a correction. Well just being able to look at myself and say what is it -- now meet its create problems within the family. And how can -- Make some changes within my behavior with the way that I treat people in the things that I say induce them that I can be more accommodating -- -- and we. And make the holidays more enjoyable for everybody would but also identifying the issues as well either trigger points that we should be identifying well they aren't that can take -- time to get to the root of what's really bothering us but I find now that. Every time I'm in the same room with my brother in -- we start arguing about politics -- need to make it a point to not go there. In -- to SanDisk and avoid that subject matter altogether. That's and politics and actually you touch that always seems to spark a lot of it -- were coming out on the election. A lot of heated comments -- -- around the dinner table around the Christmas carrier a lot of places this -- So we've identified the person -- identify the issues how then do we avoid. Getting those kinds of situations that might escalate the potential confrontation. Well -- there are certain things that people say and do that can either cost situations to escalade Brad war or calm things down cell. I don't want to never want to say to somebody -- acting out Bentley is what's your problem. -- Janet good to have. I haven't -- the person here isn't that they're being attacked and they aren't the problem. You don't ever want to say that you want to make the kind of statements that can actually calm people down. You know -- -- Let's let's comment panel uncle -- -- he's a little sensitive about -- The living room and have some pointers made so you have to know how to. According to talk about the weather and that's it why don't with some reason that -- not that can't be better break up the extra bottle. Well this isn't that people don't realize has a right to decide for themselves how they want to be treat. We think that we have to put up with whatever anybody should now and we don't. I have a right to say you look I don't I don't like when you call me sweetheart I don't like when you do something in particular. Ever right to set those boundaries felt if I know that there is a particular individual in the family does tend to be a little room -- critical. I need to set some limits with sentencing -- you know the holidays are here we're looking -- -- -- wonderful Christmas. Please. Pay attention to how -- speak to people. You need to be more sensitive more compassionate more understanding avoid -- rude comments -- suspect those limits and boundaries with people. And how that if you overstepped its boundaries that there are some consequence. And that's your last tip -- making some adjustments to be able to keep the peace -- -- them yeah absolutely actually the biggest adjustment that you can make is to change how you label and judge people. Real because the -- -- label people determines how we feel about them and how we treat himself I think when my mother homeless just such a controlling what you can't. Get back. Which is not how you feel much about don't actually adore my mother wants is one of my closest friends. But if if I label hard as will -- that going to affect how I feel about her and how I treat her during the holidays and other times of the year as well. So be very very careful make that one critical adjustment don't label people harshly -- more compassionate and understanding but -- firm. You know and and make sure that people behave in -- -- that. Is accommodating to the entire point. -- deep breath and a good -- is also goes along as well Utley can't hurt yeah I've argued the book is called the secret side of anger thank you so much some -- -- might -- holidays thinking you.
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