On the Turkish Border, a Young Widow Rebuilds Her Life

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When I first got to Gaziantep I went to the hospital. My friend from home had been injured, and I went to the hospital where he was. I spent a lot of days there, taking care of him. It was consolation that I could be there to take care of someone. I spent my time not thinking about what had happened to me. A disaster had happened. He was horribly injured and I had lost my husband, it was a consolation for both of us.

I have a job now. I work with a Syrian relief organization. I go to my job, and on the weekends I see my family. They came to Gaziantep four months after I did.

A lot of girls and women communicate with me, those who've lost their lovers or their husbands. You know there's someone with the same situation, who's feeling what you're feeling. When I know that a girl has lost a husband or lover, I send a message to her.

In the future, I have to go back to Syria, [but] I don't know if I could go back to Aleppo again. I love it and it means a lot to me, but I don't know if I could handle the memories there. My emotions right now just feel up and down, up and down. So it depends.

It's been more than a year. The memory becomes something different. You express your feelings differently, your sadness. It takes on another form. At this moment, I don't feel secure at all. I can't guarantee the future. I still feel fear for my brother, my friends who go to Syria. I don't want to lose anyone else in my life.

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