Direct From New York to San Fran for Love: A Matchmaking Experiment


5 Things You Should NEVER Do on a First Date

1. Never Trash Talk an Ex

"Here is what happens when you trash talk an ex," Tessler said. "1. You sound like an a------. Trash talking of any kind makes you sound like an a------. 2. Your date will immediately think, 'Is that how they’re going to talk about me someday?' 3. Did I mention that you'll sound like an a------? ... It doesn't matter if they were the worst ex in the entire world -- be graceful."

"If you simply have to bring up an ex, whether to explain that prominent tattoo of their name, or because you really want to tell that story of how you saved them from pirates in the mountains of Bhutan, be nice," she added.

2. Never Order For Someone (Without Asking What They Want First)

"People have mixed feelings about being ordered for," Tessler said. "Some folks think it's hot to see their date take charge, others think it's antiquated and rude. But everyone agrees, if you're going to order for someone, make sure you know what they want. It's always awkward when your date orders you a shot of expensive tequila before you get a chance to tell them that you will definitely, 100 percent, throw up all over their face if you take it."

"Did this specific experience happen to me? Maybe. Was it at least their shoes instead of their face? Yes," she added.

3. Take Your Phone Off the Table and Put It in a Pocket/Purse/Garbage Can

"Looking at your phone during a date makes you look disinterested and shallow," Tessler said. "Are you disinterested and shallow? Maybe. But excuse yourself to the bathroom to check Instagram or text an SOS to your roommate. Do not do it at the table. This is mean."

"Oh you aren't looking at it? It's just sitting on the table lighting up and buzzing and notifying you of the other things going on in the world besides the real live human sitting in front of you? This is still mean," she continued. "The real live human will probably 1. be offended, 2. be too distracted by your pocket robot to notice all the other wonderful things about you, like your beating heart and the blood running through your veins. And this will cause them to ... politely excuse themselves and run to the bathroom to text their roommate 'OMG. SOS. They just keep looking at their phone blowing up on the table. So rude. I've got to get out of here.'"

4. Never Be Late

"This isn't just for first dates," Tessler said. "A person's time is valuable and they used some of that ultra-valuable time to make sure they were on time for you. They checked the train schedule and allotted extra time for delays and made sure that they were at the bar 10 minutes early, sitting in a flattering position, nonchalantly reading a book that they would never ordinarily read, so that when you roll up, there is a punctual, good looking, intellectual waiting for you. The least you could do is show up on time."

"Besides, you only get to make a first impression once," she added. "And being late guarantees that you will come off either 1. rude, or 2. really sweaty and out of breath. Gross."

5. Don't Decide on the Person Within the First Two Minutes of Meeting Them

"Remember that time in college when you were at that party and that guy was flailing around on the dance floor to that one MGMT song? And you thought, 'Hey Super-Sweaty-American-Apparel-Model-Reject, could you flail a little less?' And then you dated him for 2.5 years? You are not alone. We've all been there. So let’s give our post-college dates the same leniency," Tessler said.

"That person you met online might not wow you when they walk in the door, but that's OK. Crushes can take a while to blossom," she added. "Think of it this way: there are a whole lot of weirdos out there. If your first date is with someone who you could see yourself hanging out with, even for another hour, then give them a second date. It could be really really really worth it. And if it's not, then it’s just an hour of your life. Besides, if you showed up late to a date and put your phone on the table and started trash talking your ex before you ordered a round of tequila shots, wouldn't you want someone to give you another chance?"

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