Phil Spector: 'I Have Devils Inside That Fight Me'

'I'm My Own Worst Enemy"

What was going on inside this house and inside the mind of this man? The audio tapes of Brown's interview, which he says he recorded five weeks before Lana Clarkson died, give a glimpse inside Spector's psyche.

"I don't play if I can't win," Spector said. "I don't play anything if I can't win. If you can't win, don't play."

"He says to me, 'Winning is everything,'" said Brown. "And that's a sentiment that, you could say, drives American society, drives American culture."

Spector also told Brown that he succeeded because he was "smarter than most," adding, "That's how I figured I'd get by. I cheated."

"I think he meant at something deeper than that," said Brown, "because he said, 'You know, cheat. … If you have to cheat, cheat.'"

In 1993, Spector's 10-year-old son, Phillip, died of leukemia. Spector told Brown that when his son died he'd lost his best friend, and in some ways, his grip on reality.

"It was a difficult time and all my close friends throughout my life -- Lenny Bruce, John Lennon -- had all passed on," he said. "All the people I could talk to were done … and I chose after the loss of Philip to get my life back on track, but it took almost 10 years. … I was crippled inside. Emotionally, insane is a hard word, but it's manic depressive, bipolar."

"He said, 'I take medicine for schizophrenia, although I'm not schizophrenic,'" Brown recalled.

"But I have a bipolar personality, that is strange," Spector said in Brown's taped interview. "I have devils inside that fight me. And I'm my own worst enemy."

Inside Spector's Character

At the time, Spector told Brown his current goal was to be a reasonable man, in part so he could have a better relationship with his son's surviving twin, Nicole, now 24.

But now Nicole's father is on trial for murder.

What else does this interview help us understand about how Spector sees himself? A key to his character, he said in the interview, is control.

"It's all about control," said Spector. "It's what everybody hates about me. In other words, you're never going to be successful if people don't hate you. And that's what everybody hates about me. If you come down to what people really hate about Phil Spector, its that he controls everything. And that's too $%(&# bad."

Whether Spector's desire to control the people in his personal life led to murder is still unclear, though it is worth noting that all four of the women who testified that Spector pulled a gun said he did so when they tried to leave his presence.

Was Clarkson attempting to leave when the gun went off?

"She's found sitting beside the back door, right at the back door, with her purse slung over her shoulder," said Brown. "They'd been drinking in the living room, which is where I interviewed Spector. The case the prosecution are clearly making is that it was time to go. That Lana Clarkson wanted to leave. And she'd gone to the back door specifically, in order to leave. And at that point, something happens."

"What Spector said happened is, she kissed the gun. 'Accidental suicide.' Those are the words that he's used in interviews," said Brown. "What the prosecution says happened, is that he didn't want her to leave, that he reached for a gun, and that he shot her."

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