Bumgarner milks cow, wins title

ByJIM CAPLE
December 31, 2014, 11:36 PM

— -- Sports were so wild and unexpected in 2014 that if you did accurately predict all the year's outcomes, Warren Buffett should have paid you $2 billion.

The Seattle Seahawks won their first Super Bowl. The Kansas City Royals not only finally reached the postseason, they went all the way to the World Series. Mississippi State was the top-ranked college football team for several weeks (with Ole Miss close behind). LeBron James returned to Cleveland. Thirteen-year-old girl Mo'Ne became baseball's most famous pitcher not named Madison or Clayton. An NFL team drafted an openly gay player. (Although, other moves in the NFL were not so positive.)

Still, the media often was so focused on relentlessly overhyping other stories (and non-stories), that you might have missed some of these unbelievable events:

Jan. 1: San Francisco Giants ace Madison Bumgarner celebrates the new year by jumping into an icy pond on his North Carolina ranch, milking his cows, roping his steers, cleaning out his barn and then flying to Puerto Rico to throw nine scoreless innings and hit a home run in a winter league game.

He then flies back home and milks his cows again.

Jan. 6: The final BCS championship game ends in stunning fashion when, with just 13 seconds remaining, Florida State quarterback Jameis Winston fakes a handoff at the Auburn 2-yard-line, rolls to his left and then sneaks out of a Publix grocery story with two pounds of crab legs tucked in his arm like a football.

Jan. 19: After the Seahawks beat the 49ers in the NFC championship, Seattle cornerback Richard Sherman goes ballistic on receiver Michael Crabtree, shouting to sideline reporter Erin Andrews, "I once saw Crabtree go through the '15-items or less' line at the grocery store even though he had at least 17! He also always clicks 'Agree' on a website without ever reading the terms and conditions! And he keeps posting kitten videos on Facebook!"

Feb. 2: The Seahawks score on the very first play from scrimmage, roll to a 36-0 lead and go on to rout the Denver Broncos 43-8 in Super Bowl XLVIII after Denver quarterback Peyton Manning doesn't arrive at the Meadowlands until the fourth quarter because he mistakenly shouted at his taxi driver to take him to Omaha.

Feb. 21: Russian president Vladimir Putin draws global outrage at the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi when he snatches the gold medals from the winning Ukrainian women's biathlon team and presents them to the second-place Russian team instead.

Putin causes further outrage by then announcing he is moving the gold-medal hockey game to Crimea and the closing ceremonies to eastern Ukraine.

March 12: Warren Buffett offers $1 billion to anyone who can overcome the astronomical odds by somehow justifying the NCAA preventing college athletes from selling their own signatures while allowing schools to make millions by selling their jerseys in stores and their images on video games.

No one comes remotely close.

March 23: Baseball opens its season in Australia, where Los Angeles Dodgers outfielder Yasiel Puig's throw misses the cutoff man and ends up in New Zealand.

April 6: Bubba Watson wins The Masters for the second time with long drives that soar so high and far they even clear the media's endless attention on the injured and absent Tiger Woods.

April 9: Baseball's epidemic of Tommy John surgery spreads to college basketball when a UConn employee tears his ulnar collateral ligament as a result of raising so many NCAA championship banners in Gampel Pavilion.

April 25: Eighteen-time gold medalist Michael Phelps' return from retirement goes awry when he makes a very bad decision to train by swimming in large tanks of beer and vodka.

May 5: After a phone call with his girlfriend is secretly taped and his racist comments publicly revealed, Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling explains that he simply thought he was calling owner Daniel Snyder to offer support for his refusal to drop keep the Washington Redskins nickname.

May 10: General manager Kevin Costner selects lineman Michael Sam in the NFL draft, only to release him after his movie, "Draft Day," bombs at the box office.

May 21: Upcoming British Open and PGA champion Rory McIlroy texts Caroline Wozniacki that she no longer has to worry about becoming a golf widow.

May 30: Montreal Canadiens defenseman P.K. Subban tells a national television audience that part of his skill is farting around opponents. By the way, he actually said that.

June 1: The Canadiens lose to the New York Rangers in the conference finals when Montreal goalie Carey Price allows the game's only goal after he was temporarily incapacitated by Subban's gas.

June 15: The San Antonio Spurs rout the Miami Heat in the NBA Finals after LeBron James declares he is a free agent following Game 2.

June 28: After Uruguay striker Luis Suarez bites an opponent for the third time, World Cup referees respond by giving him a red card, several cloves of a garlic and a wood stake through the heart.

July 1: Serena Williams produces the worst "How to Serve" instructional video in the history of tennis.

July 11: LeBron re-signs with the Cleveland Cavaliers, spurring so much global-media coverage and hype that even CNN interrupts its coverage of the Malaysia Airlines disappearance for almost six minutes.

July 13: Germany wins the World Cup when Madison Bumgarner fills in as goalkeeper to shut out Argentina 1-0 before returning to San Francisco to throw a complete game against Arizona.

July 15: National League starter Adam Wainwright honors Derek Jeter in the All-Star Game by walking up to the plate, giving him a hug and then placing a baseball on a tee for him to hit.

Aug. 21: In another major deal to guarantee postseason success by bolstering his starting rotation, Oakland A's general manager Billy Beane trades Josh Donaldson and Derek Norris for Philadelphia Little League sensation Mo'Ne Davis.

Aug. 25: USC defensive back Josh Shaw tells the media he sprained his ankles while saving his nephew from drowning in an ice-bucket challenge.

Sept. 8: The NFL surpasses the record viewership for Super Bowl XLVIII with the Ray Rice TMZ video.

Sept. 28: Several weeks of 24/7 coverage of Jeter's retirement comes to a merciful end with breaking news elsewhere. Unfortunately, that breaking news is a result of major news networks' unending hysteria and fear-stirring coverage of an Ebola outbreak in the United States that never occurs.

Oct. 4: No. 2 Oregon, No. 3 Alabama, No. 4 Oklahoma, No. 6 Texas A&M and No. 8 UCLA all lose in the most stunning stretch of college upsets outside of the NCAA agreeing to let players earn money from their own likeness.

Oct. 12: The earth stops spinning on its axis, the continents shift, the ice caps melt, zombies roam the earth and Mississippi State is ranked No. 1 in college football.

Republicans and Democrats, however, still cannot agree on a damn thing.

Oct. 22: The national media hysteria continues when it warns that Kansas City's outfielders have so much range they could catch Ebola.

Oct. 30: Two days after pitching a complete-game shutout in Game 5 of the World Series, Madison Bumgarner pitches five scoreless innings of relief in San Francisco's Game 7 victory, then celebrates by riding his horse to the New York City Marathon, where he dismounts and runs the race in less than three hours while carrying Pablo Sandoval on his back.

Nov. 2: Following the AAA Texas 500, Brad Keselowski successfully defends his NASCAR middle-heavyweight boxing title against Jeff Gordon.

Nov. 16: Quarterback Russell Wilson has another dazzling day, but the Seahawks still lose to the Kansas City Chiefs after they are penalized 27 times for having the 12th man on the field.

Nov. 27: Americans gather at tables around the country to give thanks that they don't root for the Philadelphia 76ers.

Dec. 10: The Chicago Cubs complete their spectacular offseason by signing Mo'Ne Davis to a six-year, $155 million contract.

Dec. 13: Oregon quarterback Marcus Mariota receives a Golden Globe for most inspiring dramatic performance for his Heisman Trophy acceptance speech.

Dec. 17: President Obama announces that the U.S. is re-establishing relations with Cuba, spurring Republicans to complain that he is doing so just to make it easier for his Chicago White Sox to sign more players like Jose Abreu.

Dec. 25: After cyber-attacks from North Korean hackers deeply angered by a movie about an assassination plot against their country's most revered figure, Sony Pictures backs down from releasing its comedy in which the CIA hires Seth Rogen and James Franco to eliminate Dennis Rodman.

Dec. 31: Tens of thousands gather in Times Square, while millions huddle by their TVs nationwide to watch the annual tradition of Richard Sherman dropping a bomb on Michael Crabtree.