'We're Great and You Suck': Weird Al's "Mandatory Fun" is so damned funny I actually bought the album, rather than just poach on YouTube. He perfectly satirizes football fight songs -- the satire is adept both musically and visually. Yankovic is doing his best work at age 54. It's great to see an artist (OK, the term "artist" is used loosely here) peaking later rather than early. American culture puts too much store in the young phenom who comes out of nowhere, while not giving enough credit to the gradual accumulation of achievement. TMQ supports the Change.org petition to have Weird Al be this season's Super Bowl halftime act.
Miami: The Dolphins' offensive line curse continues, with starting center and 2011 first-round draft choice Mike Pouncey to miss at least the initial month of the season. Offensive tackle Jake Long, the first overall draft choice of 2008, now plays for St. Louis. Offensive tackle Jonathan Martin, chosen in the 2012 second round, now plays for San Francisco. All the Marine Mammals got in exchange for Long and Martin is a conditional seventh-round draft selection.
Miami's weak offensive line allowed 58 sacks last season, as the Dolphins, needing one win in their final two outings to reach the playoffs, went 0-2 at the end with both losses to second-echelon teams. In trots yet another highly drafted lineman, first-rounder Ja'Wuan James, an offensive tackle. What woe will befall him? James should watch out for wet paint, banana peels on the sidewalk and asteroid strikes.
The defensive line is not looking so great, either. In 2013, Miami invested first- and second-round draft choices in defensive end Dion Jordan, a guy who didn't play much in college, didn't play much as a rookie and now starts the 2014 season suspended. Cashiered general manager Jeff Ireland sunk an awful lot of high draft choices into linemen who won't be on the field when the Dolphins open their season. Miami was 2-4 in the last three years to defenses coached by Mike Pettine at the Jets and Bills. Miami must be plenty happy that Pettine is now out of the division as head coach at Cleveland.
Fun fact: The Dolphins used five draft choices on players from below the football-factory level, including Terrence Fede of Marist College, member of the Pioneer Football League.
The Football Gods Chortled: Five years ago Allen, Texas, borrowed an absurd $60 million to build the country's fanciest high school football stadium. Its reward was a defective structure already closed owing to cracking and needing extensive repairs. Maybe Halliburton was the contractor.