One guy who doesn't need a major to enjoy his life is The Leisure King, Spaniard Miguel Angel Jimenez, who's two back. He just turned 50 but looks 70. He collects sports cars, great wine and maybe bottles of water from Lourdes. He seems to just get better the older, fatter and happier he gets.
Do you know his pre-round, cigar-in stretching routine has over 300,000 views on YouTube?
"Probably it's funny," he says. (It is.) "Sometimes I'm looking at myself on video and I'm laughing too. It's nice. It's bueno."
Furyk isn't much younger. He's 43 and only 3 shots out of it, along with Lee Westwood and Thomas Bjorn. Furyk had a chance here in 1998, remember? And then he blew it down the stretch. He also blew the 2012 U.S. Open at Olympic down the stretch and last year's PGA Championship on Sunday. Maybe all those are why he doesn't have any hair left?
Maybe that will happen to 25-year-old Rickie Fowler someday, but no time soon. He's got a new haircut and a new swing, courtesy of his new coach, Butch Harmon, who coaches you, Phil and who coached you, Tiger, to eight major wins.
OK, sore subject.
Oh, and Fowler says the one person who's taught him the most about Augusta National is you, Phil. Now here he is in the hunt, and there you are with a bag of Cheetos. Maybe you should go mute next time?
Fowler has a teen-idol mug, cool clothes and a huge following for a kid who's won one whole tournament, but at least he admits it. "I hear people wonder if I'm overrated compared to what I've done," he said in a TV interview recently. A Masters win would wreck the wonderers.
Besides, his best friend on tour is Bubba, and we already know Bubba wouldn't mind if Fowler took this thing from him. "He's already got one green jacket, so it's my turn," Fowler said.
Lastly, we have the blonde dark horse, the Swede Jonas Blixt, who will probably screw this whole thing up by winning it. That would be the biggest victory in Swedish history, not counting Elin and the divorce settlement.
OK, sore subject.
Anyway, enjoy the Masters from home, boys. But don't get too comfy on those couches.
These young dudes think they're auditioning.