Oh, snap! Football's getting crazy fast

Bond Movie Sex-in-Space Line: He's Attempting Re-entry: The Huffington Post declared that model Miranda Kerr likes to have sex in a private plane "3,000 miles above the ground," which would be far beyond the orbit of the space station.

If Jesus Returned, Bill O'Reilly Would Cut Him Off in Midsentence: Boasting of his religious purity, Bill O'Reilly declared Bill Maher became an atheist because he wants to "commit adultery." Maher has never been married, while O'Reilly divorced his wife. O'Reilly should check Jesus' teaching on divorce at Matthew 5:32 and on religious boasting at Matthew 6:1.

Let's Go to a Replay of the Gorloks Using the Nimzo-Indian: Recently, there was a recruiting scandal in college chess. And why is there men's and women's chess?

Stop and Frisk Popular in Russia: Russia's Interior Ministry launched a "crackdown" on female police officers who wear short skirts and high heels.

Actual Network Synopsis of a "Hawaii Five-0" Episode: "The daughter of a macadamia nut tycoon is murdered by a stiletto heel at Chin's high school reunion."

"Fiscal Conservative" Now Means a Politician Who Thinks Other People's Subsidies Should Be Cut: Standard and Poor's dropped Russian government bonds to near junk-bond status. Russia's paper joins Illinois and New Jersey state bonds, which already border on junk-bond rating. Russia's risk problem is the Ukraine crisis, which might end. Illinois' and New Jersey's risk problem is unfunded pension liabilities, which grow steadily worse with no end in sight. Gov. Chris Christie of New Jersey claims to be a fiscal conservative. New Jersey bonds have been downgraded six times since he took the statehouse.

Where Have All the Soldiers Gone? Gone to Graveyards Everyone: The Selective Service System sent registration notices to the last known addresses of 14,000 men born in the 19th century.

High Point of the NBA Playoffs: Trailing Washington by 11 with seven seconds remaining, the Chicago Bulls called timeout.

Brazilians Beg National Team to Win in 2018 So She Doesn't Sing Again: After Brazil lost in the World Cup at home, Brazilian president Dilma Rousseff tried to console the country by singing in public.

Worth the Wait: Forty-one years later, The Washington Post finally printed Doonesbury's famous "guilty guilty guilty" strip about Watergate.

Drinkin', Drivin' and Divorce Go Big-Time: Country supplanted Top 40 as the most popular radio format

Law Schools Begin to Teach How to File Litigation Against Football Teams: Is this the beginning of the end for football? Scan for "legal aspects of traumatic brain injury."

Nothing Appeals to Governors More Than Taxpayer-Financed Travel Outside the States Where Their Duties Are: A group of governors gathered in a state none of them govern to denounce others for failing to focus on leadership duties.

Product of the Year: Nissan Altima has "zero gravity" seats that "simulate weightlessness."

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