Oh, snap! Football's getting crazy fast

New York Magazine notes Clinton was paid $600,000 by NBC for doing "basically nothing," receiving the windfall partly for "interviewing" the Geico lizard. If NBC, owned by Comcast, handed $600,000 to Hillary Clinton, this would cause huge complications for the network, should she run for office again. Handing $600,000 to Chelsea presumably buys Clinton family goodwill, without running afoul of campaign law.

The Sub Should Have Submerged Without Telling Him: Kim Jong Un had himself photographed as he apparently auditioned for the super villain role in a Bond move.

To Be Filmed on Location in Moscow: Edward Snowden declared he was not just a deskbound CIA analyst, rather, had been a field-operations spy. Perhaps his motive was making the movie deal more attractive. Even for a man who's been in international headlines, there's only so much Hollywood potential for watching, say, Shia LaBeouf copy data onto flash drives while glancing around furtively. If Snowden was a spy, he can be played by Bradley Cooper and depicted rappelling down the outside of the Burj Khalifa in Dubai as helicopters fire missiles, or leading the FBI on a car chase through the winding streets of Davos, Switzerland. Who should be the love interest in the Snowden biopic? Jennifer Aniston is too obvious, Kristen Wiig is too smart, Kristen Bell would steal the movie. Olga Kurylenko would be perfect -- a beauty with a mysterious Eastern European background.

#Eavesdrop: The CIA got a Twitter account @CIA. Wired magazine writer Steve Silberman had the best line: "In @CIA's case, 'follows you' is redundant." The CIA's new website offers a FAQs page ("CIA operations officers do use some nifty 'spy gadgets'") and a selection of kids games. Looking for writing advice? Consult the CIA style guide.

Plus the CIA Liked Him on Facebook: The identity of the CIA station chief for Afghanistan was exposed, not by Edward Snowden, but by the White House press office.

Clown Industry Takes a Pie to the Face: Trade organization Clowns of America declared a looming clown shortage. On the plus side, a thousand clowns could share a cab to the next World Clown Association convention.

"Pomp and Circumstance" Played as Athletes Receive Their APR Compliance Certificates: The NCAA announced student-athletes " continue to make gains academically." So they are getting strong GPAs, then graduating? Actually, the NCAA said nothing about that. The claim of "gains academically" was based on schools receiving good numbers for the NCAA's Academic Progress Rate -- a bogus scale on which it's close to impossible not to receive a good score.

The Academic Progress Rate was created in 2003 to divert attention from graduation rates. Scoring is manipulated to ensure almost every school gets close to the maximum. The latest NCAA announcement says the APR average is 976 on a scale of 1,000. Converting to GPA, the average is an A!

Only 17 of the football and men's basketball programs of the NCAA's 1,281 member institutions failed to meet the APR's rolling-off-a-log-easy targets in the most recent year. That's 1.3 percent. How can a metric have meaning if 98.7 percent are above average?

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