Oh, snap! Football's getting crazy fast

Fan Mail from Some Flounder? Buried in a Department of Agriculture report about wildlife killed by federal agents was word that an agent shot and killed a flying squirrel. Had the squirrel flown into restricted airspace? At least they spared his pal the talking moose!

The Jerry Rice of Canada: Geroy Simon, one of the top CFL players ever, retired at age 38. His 16,352 career receiving yards trails only the you-can't-touch-this 22,895 yards put up by Jerry Rice.

Caron Butler Watch: Last summer around this time, TMQ noted that when NBA general managers don't have anything else to do, they trade Caron Butler. Since that item, Butler has been traded from the Clippers to the Suns; then traded to the Bucks; then bought out and signed with the Thunder; then released by Oklahoma City, allowing Butler to sign with the Pistons. Five jerseys in a year. How long until Detroit is working the phones trying to find a trade partner to take him?

The Missiles Were Aimed at the Defense Budget: Following a scandal involving incompetence in the management of ICBMs, the Air Force said the solution would be to put a four-star general, rather than a three-star, in charge of the intercontinental ballistic missile program.

All the services want more four-star slots, endlessly lobbying Congress to create them. Anyone who reaches three-star desperately desires the fourth star for the added prestige and pension. The top three-star pension is about $170,000 annually, while a four-star in his or her early 60s can retire with up to $270,000 annually for life. Set aside why taxpayers whose maximum Social Security pension is $31,704 should provide a retired general with nine times as much. (Being a flag officer is the least risky role in the military.) The difference between three-star and four-star pensions works out to about an extra $2 million over a typical life expectancy. So in return for the Air Force failing to manage nuclear-tipped missiles correctly, some lucky Air Force general receives a $2 million bonus.

On the plus side of this issue, the Navy's first female four-star was named.

Not Even OmniCorp Can Face Down Detroit's Public-Sector Pensions: To commemorate the reboot of the "Robocop" franchise, which depicts Detroit as hell on Earth, an actor dressed as the title character threw the first pitch at a Tigers game. Adding insult to injury, the big-budget flick depicting Detroit as hell on Earth was filmed in Canada -- Hollywood producers wanted to steer clear of actual Detroit.

Power Fails in NBC Writers' Meetings: Hard to recall that the hot prime-time show in the fall of 2012 was NBC's "Revolution," which in May 2014 whimpered to a halt without even attempting to explain the strange mysteries that drew viewers to early episodes. Producers had filmed a Season 2 cliffhanger that would set up Season 3. When the show was cancelled, what was supposed to be the Season 2 finale aired as the series finale, explaining nothing. Now viewers will never find out what was going on. And the writers will never find out, either.

Great Development for Admissions Departments of Colorado Colleges: News report: "A huge cloud of marijuana smoke drifted into the air as thousands in Denver celebrated Colorado's first 4.20 day."

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