Texas creates a Bottom 10 role reversal with loss to Kansas

— -- The Bottom 10 Inspirational Thought of the Week:

Oh gently please,
Won't you take your time with me?
Oh gently please,
Stop talking 'bout dying like haven't tried it.

All the things, the things I thought I'd seen.
Sure didn't see that coming.

-- "Didn't See That Coming" Taking Back Sunday

Here at Bottom 10 headquarters, located along the shoreline of the reservoir where Tom Rinaldi collects our tears, our offices were empty over the weekend. Why? I was on the road in South Florida. Officially, I was there to cover the NASCAR season finale. Well, that's what I told my bosses so they'd pay for my plane ticket. In reality, I was there to sneak up to FI(not A)U. The Golden Panthers, having just hired new head coach Butch Davis, were hosting the Marshall Blundering Herd.

As I arrived, I'll admit that I was a bit nervous, and not just because of the tailgaters I saw trying to set a Port-a-John on fire. You see, both FIU and Marshall have been in the Bottom 10 this season. So, would I be greeted with a slap to the face? Two slaps to the face? Would I be thrown out of the press box? Would I be angrily driven out into the middle of the Everglades and dumped overboard where only David Caruso, with his Who soundtrack, might find me?

None of that happened. Instead, I was greeted with smiles. I even received one hug. The FIU athletic staff handed me a stat sheet and a free sandwich as a Marshall official said, "No, we don't like being on the list. We didn't see that coming this year. But when we get it turned around, you won't see us coming."

As we chatted, a TV was on in the corner. On it we saw ... wait. Was that? It couldn't be? ... Yes, Kansas was tearing down a goalpost! The Nayhawks, the odds-on favorite to win the Bottom 10 title with only two games remaining, had just beaten Texas for the first time since 1938.

Right on cue, an FIU employee spoke up. "I guarantee you no one saw that coming."

With apologies to Sonny Crockett and Steve Harvey, here's this week's Bottom 10.

1. Fres-no State (1-10)

2. In a Rut-gers (2-9)

3. Texas State Armadillos (2-8)

4. Arizon-ugh (2-9)

5. Texas (5-6)

6. UMess (2-9)

7. Buffalo Bills, er Bulls (2-9)

8. Kansas Nayhawks (2-9)

9. EC-Yew (3-8)

10. UTEP Minors (3-8)

Waiting list: Rice (3-8), FA(not I)U (3-8), Marshall Blundering Herd (3-8), State of Kent (3-8), Bowling Green (3-8), Pur-don't (3-8), UV-ugh (2-9), telling everyone you've fired the coach except for the coach you are firing.