Hillary, Ditch the Trousers; Bill, Keep Them

A roundup of the late-night comics.

The Tonight Show

Jay Leno: In the latest count, there are now 25 politicians who have announced they're running for president of the United States. And 15 of them also claim to be the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby.

Late Night

Conan O'Brien: Yesterday, President Bush gave a speech warning Americans about the threat from Iran. Yeah. Afterward the president admitted he took an old Iraq speech and replaced all the Q's with N's.

The Colbert Report

Stephen Colbert: If you missed the Grammys last night, you missed some magical surprises. … I really had to hand it to the Academy for sticking it to Al Gore. [shows video of Gore on Grammy's stage amid falling confetti] There is no better way to welcome a radical left-wing eco-nut job then with a forest worth of confetti.

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Jimmy Kimmel: In all seriousness, I really like his campaign slogan. Have you seen it? Look at this. [shows picture of Romney behind a sign that reads "Mitt Happens"] Mitt Happens.

The Tonight Show

Leno: Fashion designer Donatella Versace says that if Hillary Clinton wants to win, she should ditch the trousers. Yeah. Actually, you know what would improve Hillary's chances even more? If Bill kept his trousers up. That would actually help, would help even more.

The Daily Show

Jon Stewart: But you know the one real lesson in this entire debate: If you're going to give a dramatic speech on the floor of Congress, put your cell phone on vibrate.

Rep. John Boehner, R-Ohio [video on House floor]: My colleagues, the world is watching. The question is: How will we respond? [As Boehner walks away from podium, his cell phone rings.]

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