Kinky Friedman -- Aug. 21, 2005

A weekly feature on This Week.

Voices/Images

Our voice this week is Kinky Friedman. As a country-western singer, he's had a cult following. As a mystery writer, he's cultivated fans like Bill Clinton. Now, he's making another career move. The team that made Jesse Ventura governor of Minnesota is running Friedman's independent campaign for governor of Texas:

Kinky Friedman: I decided to run for governor because I've achieved a lot of my dreams, or realized a lot of my dreams in my life -- [like] eating monkey brains in Borneo with the Peace Corps. And I've played the Grand Ole Opry. So I've done all this stuff and I want to see that other people, particularly younger Texans, get to realize some of their dreams. If musicians do run the state when I'm governor, we won't get a lot of legislation done in the morning, probably. All these politicians are owned by special interest or by political parties. I am a free bird. I am an independent, and that is just what Texas needs now. When I'm governor, we will bring the Ten Commandments back to school. I may have to change their name -- "the Ten Suggestions," maybe. But we have to get them back in. And I would like to bring nondenominational prayer in the public schools. What's wrong with a kid believing in something? And what's wrong with an independent governor that can have an issue like prayer in school that he likes, and like gay marriage that he likes. He doesn't have to toe the party line all the time. So, I mean, I think gays have every right to be just as miserable as the rest of us. So I support gay marriage. Renewable fuel: We gotta stop the Saudis from playing the jukebox and the rest of us dancing to the tune. I mean, gas is going to be costing a dollar a drop in a few years. So bio-diesel is something that my friend Willie Nelson has really been promoting, and I am with Willie on this. In fact, Willie will be my energy czar. Well, all I really offer is I know how to ride, shoot straight and tell the truth. To paraphrase Ronald Reagan when he first ran for governor of California, "The other guys got the experience -- that's why I'm running." That's exactly why I am running.

Funnies

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno:

Leno: Bush woke up this morning, saw his shadow. Six more weeks of vacation.

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart:

Stewart: Since [antiwar protester Cindy] Sheehan began her vigil two weeks ago, she has become a cause celebre among antiwar activists. Michael Moore is even featuring Sheehan prominently on his Web site -- because without his help, she might come across as sympathetic.

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart:

Stewart: It turns out they have missed their arbitrary deadline. But I am going to say this to the Iraqis, to the governing council, tonight: OK you can turn it in, in a week. But let me say this: The best you can do -- the best -- is a B. We're done.

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno:

Leno: Hey, [I] want to wish happy birthday to President Clinton -- 59 years old. Hillary gave him a surprise birthday party. Well actually, Bill was having a party and Hillary walked in and went "Surprise!"

Weekends at the D.L:

D.L. Hughley: The White House has hired the first ever female chef, a Filipina named Cristeta Comerford. She was chosen for her experience, her passion for cooking, and the fact that she will work for $2 an hour.

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart:

Stewart: A recent checkup showed our president is arguably the healthiest chief executive ever. His secret: Daily exercise and a total disengagement with reality. But there's also his diet. And now that will be in the hands of Cristeta Comerford, the White House's new executive chef. She is understandably excited.

Cristeta Comerford, White House executive chef [on tape]: How many people are really chosen or called to serve to cook for, basically, the number one person in the world?

Stewart: By the way, "number one person in the world" is something Comerford is going to be writing in syrup for the next 1,000 breakfasts.

[Image of pancakes with "#1 person in the world" written in syrup]

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