FOX announcer: "Bird is the word over at Fox. Why the avian flu could send stock soaring."
Colbert: "There you go. See. Fox knows how to put a shine on a rotting chicken corpse. Every global pandemic has a silver lining."
The Tonight Show with Jay Leno:
Jay Leno: "And Tom DeLay was booked yesterday. He's smiling in his mug shot, as I like to call it, his smug shot. I'm thinking, why would anybody be smiling during their mug shot, and I figured out why. Ellen pull back the camera. See, he's getting more money. He's getting more money."
Late Night with Conan O'Brien:
Conan O'Brien: "Much to talk about, a lot going on in the world. Tough times at the White House, tough times. A lot of bad news these days. And this is the latest, the Washington Post reports that morale is so bad at the White House that Vice President Dick Cheney has been giving the staff pep talks. Yea, you know things are bad when Dick Cheney is the most cheerful guy in the room: Cheer up, everything is going to be fine, it's going to be fine."
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart:
Jon Stewart: "More relevantly, the questionnaire asked Miers to furnish information. Quote: 'Describe all communications by the Bush administration, or individuals acting on behalf of the administration, to any individuals or interest groups with respect to how you would rule.' Miers written response, and we are not making this up, was, 'No.' Just no. So she's given an incomplete and insulting questionnaire to be Supreme Court justice, I guess finally the game is up and she'll withdraw."
Sen. Specter: "Sen. Leahy and I took a look at it and agreed that it was insufficient, and are sending back at detailed letter."
Stewart: "She gets to retake the test. Apparently getting on to the Supreme Court is like high school Spanish. But for Sen. Leahy, more basic questions about the process still remain."
Sen. Leahy: "We'd actually like to know what the heck is going on!"