This Week's 'The List' -- Calif. Candidates

— A weekly feature on This Week.


For this week's Voices, The Los Angeles Times introduced us to a few of candidates running for governor of California:

Mathilda Karel Spak, non-declared, 101-year-old write-in candidate: "My name is Mathilda Karel Spak. … The reason I'm running for governor is I'm sick and tired of the plight I find California in. My first interest is in taking care of the children who are sick and hungry."

Gary Coleman, independent, actor: "My name is Gary Coleman and I'm running for governor for the common man."

Trek "Thunder" Kelly, independent, performance artist: "My name is Trek "Thunder" Kelly. I am planning to legalize prostitution, all drugs and gambling in an effort to regain some of the revenue lost from those different vices."

Todd Richard Lewis, independent, Bum Hunter video producer: "My name is Todd Richard Lewis. I'm running for governor because right now, the largest bum population we have is in Sacramento. And if people don't do something about this recall election, we may end up like the people that I represent in my videos."

Mary "Mary Carey" Cook, independent, adult film actor: "I promise to be honest because everything I've done is out in the open. In fact, all of me is out in the open. So for that reason alone, you should vote for me Mary Carey for governor of California."


This week's Funnies begin with Jay Leno's take on a picture this week of French President Jacques Chirac kissing Laura Bush's hand.

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno:

Jay Leno: "Hey, did you see Laura Bush in France with President Chirac? Was it me, or did she look uncomfortable when he kissed her hand? Did you see that? Show the tape. Now here she goes, now watch this: He kisses her hand. Now watch her reaction here as she wipes her hand. Then she sprays Lysol, then she scrubs."

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart:

Jon Stewart: "Meanwhile, U.S. soldiers working with Iraqi police uncovered several large weapons caches, including the biggest arsenal of conventional arms found since American troops arrived in April. YES! WE DID IT! We have found the weapons of some minor destruction. We've done it!"

Late Night with Conan O'Brien:

Conan O'Brien: "Can you imagine if there is any kind of crisis in California over the next couple of years when he is governor — because he is probably going to win. Any kind of crisis at all, like heavy rains have cause some flooding, and he comes on TV and says (impersonating Arnold Schwarzenegger voice), 'No, don't panic! Nothing to get excited!' People are just going to start screaming and run away!"

Late Show with David Letterman:

David Letterman: "But today, some bad news for Arnold Schwarzenegger: the L.A. Times accuses him of groping six women. I'm telling you: This guy is presidential material."