Funnies: Are Scooter and Duke Nicknamed for Prison?

Dec. 4, 2005 — --

Jay Leno: You see Saddam in court yesterday? They say Saddam remained defiant and acted like he was still in power. You know, like the Democrats do over here.

Jon Stewart: California Congressman Randy Duke Cunningham … yesterday resigned his House seat after pleading guilty to fraud, tax evasion, and receiving $2.4 million-worth of bribes from military contracts. Like Scooter Libby, Duke Cunningham comes pre-nicknamed for prison.

Stewart: Soon after the president's speech, the Democrats came out with their official response. And naturally the political opposition would pounce on the president's vulnerability by choosing as their spokesman an inspiring rhetorical speaker with a proven ability to defeat the president.
[shows John Kerry fumbling with microphone]
Stewart: Kerry?!? You went with Kerry?
John Kerry speech: Let's begin today by making it clear, by understanding what this real debate is about and what it is not about. … This debate is not about an artificial date for withdrawal. … That's not what this debate is about. … That again is not what this debate is about.
Stewart: The Democratic party, as eager as you are to discover what this debate is about.

Conan O'Brien: Everyone's talking about this. The U.S. military is being accused of paying Iraqi newspapers to publish fake articles that support President Bush. Yeah, when he heard about it, President Bush was furious and said, "Why aren't they doing that in American newspapers? That's where I need it -- USA Today."

Leno: President Bush was at the Mexican border yesterday. Apparently his poll numbers are so low he was trying to make a run for it. Yeah. … I don't think the speech was very effective. Did you see him when he said goodbye? Show him saying goodbye at the border here. Take a look. Here is the President. Now, watch what he does here. He waves. And, like, can we see who he's waving to?
[video of two men jumping over a fence and waving]
Leno: You see those people? You see there's more people coming over. Yeah, yeah. He waves again.
[video of Bush waving from plane; then another man waving from behind a fence, throwing a bag over the fence and climbing over]