10 Things You Never Want to Hear from a Pilot
If you didn't have a fear of flying before, you might now.
June 16, 2010 — -- Ever listen to "channel 9" on United, to hear what the pilots are saying? Not all captains turn it on for passengers, but when available, it's a fascinating inside "view" of cockpit communications.
But it can also offer some unwanted information. Last year, a flier listening in claimed he heard a flight attendant refer to the "idiots in coach."
That's bad, of course, but at least it wasn't a pilot.
Yes, pilots have also been known to say things you don't really want to hear. I'm talking about comments that make you cringe, but also funny stuff, too (which may leave you wondering what the heck they're doing up there in the cockpit).
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So I made up a list of the most memorable pilot lines I've heard (or heard about); I call it: Ten Things You Don't Want to Hear from Your Pilot.
#1: "Folks, We just lost one of our engines, but everything's going to be OK."
This was overheard by the mother of a network news producer. Mom's reaction went something like this: "Oh, for heaven's sake, did I really need to know this?"
Exactly, especially if everything really is going to "be OK." But maybe the pilot figured scared passengers are less likely to complain about high bag fees or paying 10 bucks for those skimpy airline salads.
It reminds me of a similar announcement on then-presidential contender Barack Obama's plane in the summer of 2008: "The emergency evacuation slide has deployed so we'll be landing now."
The candidate stayed cool and later joked with reporters, "Just thought we would spice things up a little bit today," and then added, "The pilots knew what they were doing."
#2: "Whoa, big fella?WHOA!"
A colleague swears this happened: a pilot (or co-pilot) jokingly yelled "Whoa, big fella!" over the intercom, just as her plane landed in Los Angeles.
"I know you'll think I'm stealing an urban legend," the colleague said, "like that junk that's spammed into your e-mail, but I really heard this. Maybe the pilot got the idea from his spam."
The airline in question? Southwest.
