But maybe it was too much of a good thing because that tiny seat of yours now feels even smaller. You decide to take your mind off that by having some fun with your "Zombie Playset" ($24.95), plastic glow-in-the-dark figurines of the living dead. This has not gone unnoticed by the flight attendant who is starting to give you some very nervous looks. You decide it's time to go incognito.
This turns out to be a mistake. Your disguise of choice, the "Beard Hat" ($19.95) makes you look, well, suspicious. This puzzles you since the whole point of the purple knitted cap with attached black knitted beard-and-mustache was to "bring out your inner longshoreman." Unfortunately, only thing it brings out is your inner oddness and the alarmed flight attendant calls the pilot.
It turns out the captain is a SkyMall fan too and in another stroke of luck, his name is Robert and you just so happen to have a "Gifts for Bob" T-shirt in your bag, emblazoned with the words: "Bob, The Man, The Myth, The Legend" ($19.95). The pilot is delighted with his swag. Crisis averted.
You finally get home. After such a stressful day, a stroll through the backyard is just the thing, plus it gives you a chance to say hello to an old friend, the "Garden Yeti" (life-size, $2,250). You wonder if the hirsute Bigfoot of "quality designer resin" is lonely, and resolve to ask Santa for a pal for him. If Santa shops at SkyMall, no problem: The catalog now offers an "Abominable Snowman Statue" (life-size, $2,350). They'll probably get along just fine; outside of his white fur, Mr. Snowman bears a distinct family resemblance to Mr. Yeti.
I wonder if it's too late to add to my Christmas list?
The opinions expressed by Rick Seaney are his alone and not those of ABC News.